Many adults know that middle school is a time of change but they may not understand the full extent of the many challenges kids face. Many middle school kids experience confusion between the desire to be accepted, which is strongest in middle school, at the same time that:

• Kids report more bullying than students in grades 9 and 10.¹
• Almost 9 out of 10 kids say they've seen someone being bullied.²
• For every 25 middle school kids, an average of 2 kids are harassed daily and another 2 to 3 are bullied weekly.³
• Modern technology has added new ways to bully-cyberbullying.

During this transition from childhood to adolescence, middle schoolers begin to place more importance on making friends and being part of a group. They also start to check out how other kids act, look, sound, and dress. Some kids may seem to be searching for a reason to tease or torment another student.

Alone or as part of a group, youth can take part in bullying. In a growing number of incidences, the term "bully" includes the children who watch the bullying occur-even if they don't actively participate. Witnessing bullying behavior can be defined as condoning it.

How Do Kids Bully?

Direct bullying is any form of physical abuse or violence that harms or frightens other kids. Bullying can occur indirectly when one or more kids use threats or intimidation to affect someone else negatively. In addition to physical bullying, emotional harassment happens when one or more kids try to hurt someone's feelings, pick on her, laugh at her, show dislike, exclude her, or try to prove that she isn't as good as the others.

Modern communication technology has given rise to cyberbullying. This type of bullying can happen any time without the need for face-to-face interaction. According to KidsHealth, bullies can use electronic communications to spread hurtful messages, images, and videos. Insults and lies can be spread through e-mail, instant messaging, online chat rooms, and social networking sites. Bullies also can use gadgets like cell phone cameras, text messaging, and pagers to harass victims at any time of day or night.⁴

Where Do Kids Bully?

Most bullying (40 to 75 percent) happens in school-in the hallways, bathrooms, cafeterias, playgrounds, and classrooms.⁶ Middle school students often switch classrooms, which provides more opportunities for bullies to pick on kids in the hallway. Bullying also can happen on the way to or from school, including on the bus.

Why Do Some Kids Act Like a Bully?

Children act like bullies for many reasons. Some bully because that's how people act in their family. Some kids bully because they want attention. Other children who are insecure may give others a hard time because they like the feeling of power and control. Some simply feel that they are better than other kids. Kids who are being bullied may want to pick on someone else.

Children who bully often are impulsive, easily frustrated, have difficulty following rules, and lack empathy or being able to understand how others feel. Boys who bully often are physically stronger than other children. Participating in bullying is not just "a regular part of growing up"-it's serious. When a child begins bullying at a young age, he is demonstrating unacceptable behavior that can continue for a lifetime.⁷

Do Girls Bully?

Yes, girls participate in bullying, too; but often bully differently than boys. Girls are more likely to use indirect methods of bullying-like a roll of the eyes, a mocking tone of voice, and sarcasm. Gossiping and spreading harmful rumors is a form of bullying and can damage someone's reputation. Even though social pressure isn't physical, like tripping or taking someone's lunch money, it can still be very painful.

Social exclusion is another form of emotional bullying. Social exclusion can include ignoring a certain kid, never sitting near her at lunch, or leaving her out of party invitations. This form of bullying becomes even more hurtful when the bully encourages others to participate in the exclusion.

What Are the Signs of Being Bullied?

The best way to know what's going on in your child's life-at school, after school, during practice, or while hanging out with friends-is to be involved. Create a daily routine in which you and your child chat casually about his day. Take the time to listen, ask questions, and respond.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) report Take Action Against Bullying, there are many warning signs that may show a child is being bullied. Signs to watch for include a child:

• Acting depressed.
• Withdrawing socially.
• Complaining frequently of illnesses.
• Not wanting to go to school or avoiding certain classes.
• Bringing home damaged possessions.
• Reporting things "lost."
• Stating that she feels picked on or persecuted.
• Displaying mood swings, including frequent crying.
• Talking about running away.
• Attempting to take protection to school, such as a stick, rock, or knife.

What If My Child Is Being Bullied?

Support your child. If your child reports feeling bullied, don't laugh, shrug it off, or explain that it's "just the age." Be prepared to speak to teachers, coaches, and other adults in charge because they may not have noticed the behavior. A parent may ask for a meeting to discuss what is happening. Parents also can develop relationships with parents of other children in the same neighborhood or school. When several parents know about the bullying, or have children who are affected, they may be in a better position to deal with school staff members.

Bully-Free at Home

Middle school often is seen as the growing-up years between elementary school and high school, when kids are starting to mature but still can tease their friends and be bossy or rowdy. Be watchful so these actions do not escalate into meaner behavior.

If a child's behavior seems like bullying to you, it probably is. Do not ignore this behavior or hope the child will change. Bullying is not something that is likely to disappear. How can you stop a child's bullying behavior? Let your children know what's okay and what's not.

Even with the increasing importance of friends in a young person's life, peers do not replace parents.⁸ Parents and caregivers can talk to youngsters and teach them not to take part in bullying-and that watching is condoning bullying behavior. Discuss different ways that your child can be of help or get help. Bullying hurts everybody!

Sources

Additional Resources

• SAMHSA’s Center for Mental Health Services, 2003. Bullying Is Not a Fact of Life, Take Time To Talk About Bullying, and Take Action Against Bullying, last referenced 12/11/2007.
• U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA). Stop Bullying Now!, last referenced 12/11/2007.
• HHS, HRSA, 2005. Bullying Among Children & Youth, last referenced 12/11/2007.
• HHS, HRSA. Cyberbullying, last referenced 12/11/2007.
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The Bully Roundup, last referenced 12/11/2007.
• KidsHealth, 2007. Bullying and Your Child, Dealing With Bullies, and What Kids Say About Bullying, last referenced 12/11/2007.
• National Crime Prevention Council. When Your Child Is a Bully, Bullying, Girls and Bullying, and Delete Cyberbullying, last referenced 12/11/2007.
• U.S. Department of Education. Friendships—Helping Your Child Through Early Adolescence, last referenced 12/11/2007.