Kids say, “I want one, too.” Teenagers insist, “I gotta have it; everyone else does.” Adults call it “peer pressure.”
Kids want to be accepted, to belong, and to be like peers they admire. As a result, peer pressure can influence the choices young people make—contributing to poor decisions or reinforcing good ones. So a lot depends on what's important to the kids your child spends time with.
Both young people and adults deal with different forms of peer pressure every day-both spoken and unspoken. We also can feel pressure, either from inside or outside ourselves. |
We see peer pressure starting at nursery school when a child wants other kids to play a certain game. By middle school and high school, friendships often influence the music kids listen to, the clothes they wear, and the activities they take part in—whether it's going to the mall, practicing soccer, or drinking alcohol.
Many young people benefit from good peer pressure-studying for a test, signing up for a new activity, eating healthy foods, or volunteering for a community service project. Friends can provide a safe place for young people to become better at communicating as they learn to disagree and work out differences. Friends also can give good advice or agree not to do something risky.
Yet going along with the crowd can be dangerous. Depending on what a group of kids thinks is cool, a young person may be swayed to break rules or try risky behaviors. Pressure from these peers can distract a kid from doing schoolwork, trying out for a team, respecting speed limits, or obeying underage drinking laws.
As a parent, you can shape the way your child deals with negative peer pressure. Start by always letting your child know you love him and are proud of his accomplishments. From time to time, repeat what you mean by “acceptable behavior.”
Kids benefit from frequent discussions about many topics, including use of tobacco, alcohol, and illegal drugs; driving; sex; respect for property; and cheating in school. Explain to your child that if he feels uneasy about doing something-especially just because other kids are doing it-STOP!
Because it's easier for a teenager to go along with the group if she feels unsure of herself, teach your child how to be confident in refusing to try anything risky. Help her learn to make her own decisions whether they involve doing homework, coming home on time, or saying “no”-by practicing decision-making skills. Following the steps below will require the teen to make an informed decision rather than an immediate, on-the-spot one:
- Identify what needs to be decided.
- Gather the information necessary to make the decision-including possible solutions or alternatives. For example, one choice may involve fitting in with the crowd, breaking the law, and risking damage to a young body and brain. Another choice may involve thinking of other ways to have fun with friends and be popular, avoiding harm, and sticking to family values.
- List the possible courses of action.
- Think about the consequences of poor choices: disappointing Mom and Dad, getting grounded, being involved in a possible car crash, or having unwanted sex. Healthy choices may lead to taking pride in a healthy outlook, staying safe, and realizing that your child alone-not her peers-will live with the results of her choices.
- Make the decision: for example, no alcohol use until age 21.
- Review and reinforce that she can make her own choices, that she has the courage to say “no” when it conflicts with her values, and that she can be true to herself.
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