| Sexual Addiction |
 |
Due
to length of topic, print
out for easier reading. Click
on PRINT in browser toolbar. |
|
Sexual
Addiction
|
The idea that sex can be an addiction is new
to many people.1
The term "addiction" has become a
popular metaphor to describe any form of self-destructive behavior that one is unable to
stop despite known and predictable adverse consequences. For some people, sexual behavior
fits that description. It involves frequent self-destructive or high risk activity that is
not emotionally fulfilling, that one is ashamed of, and that one is unable to stop despite
it causing repeated problems in the areas of marriage, social relationships, health,
employment, finances, or the law.
Recognition that self-destructive sexual
behavior can be an addiction has spawned the rapid growth of four nationwide self-help
organizations for persons trying to recover from this problem. All are 12-step recovery
programs patterned after Alcoholics Anonymous.
One might ask how sex can be an addiction
when it is doing what comes naturally and does not involve abuse of a psychoactive
substance like drugs or alcohol. The scientific argument for addiction is based, in part,
on recent advances in neurochemistry that suggest we carry within us our own source of
addictive chemicals.
When pleasure centers in the human brain are
stimulated, chemicals called endorphins are released into the blood stream. Endorphins are
believed to be associated with the mood changes that follow sexual release. Any chemical
that causes mood changes can be addictive, with repeated exposure altering brain chemistry
to the point that more of the chemical is "required" in order to feel
"normal." 2
For example, experiments with hamsters have
shown that the level of endorphins in their blood increases dramatically after several
ejaculations. Experimental rats habituated to endorphins will go through much pain in
order to obtain more. In rats, the addiction to endorphins is even stronger than the
addiction to morphine or heroin.
The sex addict uses sex as a quick fix, or as
a form of medication for anxiety, pain, loneliness, stress, or sleep. Sex addicts often
refer to sex as their "pain reliever" or "tension reliever." In a
popular novel, the heroine describes sex as "the thinking women's Valium." 3
Other indicators that sexual behavior may be
out of control include: an obsession with sex that dominates one's life, including sexual
fantasies that interfere with work performance; so much time devoted to planning sexual
activity that it interferes with other activities; strong feelings of shame about one's
sexual behavior; a feeling of powerlessness or inability to stop despite predictable
adverse consequences; inability to make a commitment to a loving relationship; extreme
dependence upon a relationship as a basis for feelings of self-worth; or little emotional
satisfaction gained from the sex act.
Compulsive or addictive sexual behavior may take various
forms, including what many regard as "normal" heterosexual behavior. The type of
sexual activity and even the frequency or number of partners are not of great significance
in diagnosing this problem. Some individuals have a naturally stronger sex drive than
others, and the range of human sexual activity is so broad that it is difficult to define
"normal" sexual behavior. What is significant is a pattern of self-destructive
or high risk sexual behavior that is unfulfilling and that a person is unable to stop.
The first major study of sexual addiction was
published by Patrick Carnes in 1991.4 It was based on
questionnaires filled out by 752 males and 180 females diagnosed as sex addicts, most of
them admitted for treatment in the in-patient Sexual Dependency Unit of a hospital in
Minnesota. The others had at least three years of participation in one of the 12-step
programs for recovery from sexual addition. Of the sex addicts in this survey, 63% were
heterosexual, 18% homosexual, 11% bisexual, and 8% were unsure of their sexual preference
.
The sexual addicts who responded to Carnes'
questionnaire were typically unable to form close friendships. Their feelings of shame and
unworthiness made them unable to accept real intimacy. They were certain they would be
rejected if others only knew what they were "really" like, so they found myriad
obsessive ways to turn away a potential friend or loving partner. Despite a large number
of superficial sexual contacts, they suffered from loneliness, and many developed a sense
of leading two lives--one sexual, the other centered around their occupation or other
"normal" activity.
In Carnes' survey, 97% responded that their
sexual activity led to loss of self-esteem. Other reported emotional costs were strong
feelings of guilt or shame, 96%; strong feelings of isolation and loneliness, 94%;
feelings of extreme hopelessness or despair, 91%; acting against personal values and
beliefs, 90%; feeling like two people, 88%; emotional exhaustion, 83%; strong fears about
own future, 82%; and emotional instability, 78%.
Carnes found that 42% of sex addicts in his
sample also had a problem with either alcohol or drug dependency and 38% had eating
disorders.
The roots of out-of-control sexual behavior
may be quite varied. It may be caused by an underlying personality disorder, an
"addiction" to sex, or a physical disorder. The traditional disorders of
exaggerated sexuality, nymphomania in the female and satyriasis in the male, are believed
to be caused by a disorder of the pituitary gland or irritation of the brain cortex by a
tumor, arteriosclerosis or epilepsy. These physical disorders are rare. 5
Out-of-control sexuality may have serious
adverse consequences. In the Carnes survey of individuals in treatment, 38% of the men and
45% of the women contracted venereal diseases; 64% reported that they continued their
sexual behavior despite the risk of disease or infection. Of the women, 70% routinely
risked unwanted pregnancy by not using birth control, and 42% reported having unwanted
pregnancies.
Many patients had pursued their sexual
activities to the point of exhaustion (59%) or even physical injury requiring medical
treatment (38%). Many (58%) pursued activities for which they felt they could be arrested
and 19% actually were arrested. Sleep disorders were reported by 65%; they usually
resulted from stress or shame connected with the sexual activity.
Of the survey respondents, 56% experienced
severe financial difficulty because of their sexual activity. Loss of job productivity was
reported by 80%, and 11% were actually demoted as a result. Many of these problems are, of
course, encountered by persons whose sexuality is not out of control, but the percentages
are much lower. 6
Compulsive or addictive sexual behavior is a
security concern because it may lead to poor judgment or lack of discretion, indicate a
serious emotional or mental problem, open one to exploitation, manipulation, or extortion,
or attract the attention of hostile intelligence or security services. Sexual intimacy
often leads to personal intimacy. The bedroom is an ideal location for a hostile
intelligence or security service to learn of an individual's resentment of a boss, longing
to be rich, compulsive need to feel important, or problems with a spouse.
Addicts of all types typically organize a
part of their life and their circle of friends around their addiction. Intelligence and
security services generally maintain sources in these circles, and it is easy for them to
place an agent in contact with a potential target who attracts attention through these
activities. Habitual behaviors that provide such access opportunities for foreign
intelligence and security services increase the risk that an individual will become a
target and that any vulnerabilities that do exist will be discovered and exploited.
Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sex & Love Addicts
Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous are all nationwide
organizations for individuals recovering from problems with compulsive sexual behavior.
They are 12-step recovery programs patterned after Alcoholics Anonymous.
A membership survey of Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous found that 58% of its members were male, 92% Caucasian, 44% in professional
jobs, 24% with a postgraduate degree and 31% with a college degree. The sexual orientation
of its members was 63% heterosexual, 11% bisexual, and 26% gay or lesbian. 7
It is normal for recovery groups like this to
have a disproportionate number of highly educated members. That is only because
well-educated persons are more likely to seek out self-help programs. There is no evidence
that well-educated persons are more likely than others to suffer from sexual addiction.
Research on sexual addiction is relatively
new, so less information is available than for other addictions. Check with your doctor,
local counseling service, or Employee Assistance Program, but you may need to supplement
this with information from other sources.
One or more of the recovery programs named
above is probably listed in your local telephone directory.
Information on sexual addiction and the
recovery groups is available on the Internet. For a list of Internet sites, go to
www.yahoo.com. Then click on Health, then Sexuality, then Sexual Addiction. If you are a spouse or close friend of someone who suffers from this
problem, also go to Health, then Mental Health, Addiction and Recovery, and Codependency.
Books available from your
local library or bookstore include:
- Out of the Shadows:
Understanding Sexual Addiction, by Patrick Carnes. Compcare Publications, 1992.
- Steps of Hope: A 12-Step
Recovery Guide for Sex Addiction, by Douglas Weiss. Discovery Press, 1996.
- False Intimacy:
Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction, by Harry W. Schaumburg.
Navpress,
1997.
- Escape from Intimacy: The
Pseudo-Relationship Addictions, by Anne Wilson Schaef. Harper San Francisco, 1990.
- Don't Call It Love:
Recovery from Sexual Addiction, by Patrick Carnes. Bantam Books, 1992.
- Addictive Thinking:
Understanding Self-Deception, by Abraham J.
Twerski. Hazelden/Rosen, 1997.
Related Topics: Standards of Personal Conduct, Reporting Improper, Unreliable or
Suspicious Behavior
References
1. Scientists specializing in sexual behavior generally agree on what
constitutes out-of-control sexual behavior, but they disagree over whether it is
appropriately diagnosed as an addiction or as a symptom of an underlying
obsessive-compulsive disorder. This discussion uses the terms "addiction" and
"compulsion" interchangeably in a non-technical sense, not as medical diagnoses.
For opposing positions in this debate, see the two special issues on Medical Aspects of
Sexual Addiction/Compulsivity of the American Journal of Preventive Psychiatry and
Neurology, dated May 1990 and Spring 1991.
2. Patrick Carnes (1991). Don't call it love: Recovery from sexual
addiction, (New York: Bantam, pp. 22-23, 30-34). Also see H. B. Milkman & S.
Sunderwirth (1986). Craving for ecstasy: The consciousness and chemistry of escape, (Lexington,
MA: Lexington Books).
3. L. Sanders (1983). The seduction of Peter S, (New York:
Putnam).
4. Patrick Carnes (1991). Don't call it love: Recovery from sexual
addiction. New York: Bantam. The research was done at the Golden Valley Health Center,
4101 Golden Valley Rd., Golden Valley, MN 55422, but the Sexual Dependency Unit no longer
exists there. Dr. Carnes moved to Delano Hospital, 23700 Camino del Sol, Torrance, CA
90505, phone (612) 782-0510.
5. R. J. Barth & B. N. Kinder (1987, May). The mislabeling of sexual
impulsivity, Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 1, 15-23. Also L. Salzman (1972).
The highly sexed man. Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, 36-49.
6. Patrick Carnes (1991). Don't call it love: Recovery from sexual
addiction. New York: Bantam, Chap. 3.
7. Documentation provided by Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous to R. J.
Heuer, Defense Personnel Security Research Center, January 13, 1992.
|
