Connecting with others
Connections are important to young women! You can
connect with people in a lot of different ways. You can connect with others in
your school, your neighborhood, your ethnic group, your online buddy list, a
club you belong to, and so on.
Being connected to others makes you feel good. It
also helps your emotional health.
This section of the guide has tips to help you
connect with others:
Find a connection
Young women have a deep need to feel connected.
That's why many spend a lot of time connecting with friends through the phone,
text messaging, e-mail, or instant messaging.
Here are some other things you can do to be more
connected:
- Join a sports team, a club, the band, the
newspaper, or some other group at your school. Or, run for student
council!
- Volunteer in your neighborhood or community.
Check with local community groups to see if they need volunteers. Or, ask a
parent, teacher, or friend for advice on where you can get involved.
- Pick up your school newspaper or a local
paper. Go to one of the listed events with a friend.
- Sign up for an exercise or arts class.
- Spend more time with your family.
 Aisha's story: "My family moved last
year when my parents got divorced, and I had to start going to a new high
school. I hated being the new girl and not having any friends. I'm really good
at tennis, and I like to write, so I joined the yearbook staff and the tennis
team. Having these things in common with the other kids helped me to make some
friends."
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Identify with your racial,
ethnic, or cultural background
All families are unique! Some young women may feel
a part of and draw strength from their racial, ethnic, or cultural communities.
Those ties tell the stories of where we came from. Taking pride in your
heritage is one way to connect with others.
Here are some ways to learn more about your
background:
- Interview a family member.
- Go to a local cultural event.
- Research issues related to your background on
the Internet or at the library. You could also try to find out more about your
last name or family history.
- Help set up an ethnic potluck at your
school.
- Read a book or visit a Web site about your
history.
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Learn about healthy
relationships
Friends aren't just fun, they make us feel better,
too! Just having friends and family to talk to makes you feel good. Here are a
few of the things needed in healthy relationships:
- Respect: In a good
relationship, both people respect each other.
- Mutuality: Healthy
relationships go both ways. Both people give to each other and receive from
each other.
- Communication: It is important
to talk with, and listen to, other people. Let other people get to know you.
Ask questions so you can get the chance to know others.
- Honesty: Honesty is a sign of
respect in healthy relationships.
- Trust: Over time, good friends
earn your trust.
- Flexibility: People and
situations change. In a good relationship, people are flexible.
- Dependability: Follow through
on the things you say you will do. Be a dependable friend.
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Learn about empathy and its
importance in relationships
Part of connecting with others is learning how to
understand what the other person is feeling. Empathy means being able to put
yourself in someone else's shoes. Look for friends who are empathetic. Learn
how to "walk in someone else's shoes."
It's not always easy to do this, because sometimes
we all do things we wish we had not done. For example, did you ever forget your
sneakers on gym day? Just remember, this kind of thing happens to everyone, and
everyone wants to be treated kindly.
Here are two steps you can take to show empathy.
First, give a brief reply that captures the situation; then, add an
emotion.
Suppose a friend tells you about a fight with her
brother. You can say, "When he was yelling at you, you must have felt
mad." This shows that you are really listening and trying to
understand how your friend is feeling.
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Learn how to be more
mindful of other people and their situations
Sometimes, it's hard to focus on other people when
you have problems in your own life, but good friends make an effort to focus on
others. Being mindful means having your mind present in a situation. It means
you think and care about other people's feelings while also being aware of your
own feelings.
Here are some ways to be mindful:
- Be present: Be aware of your
own thoughts and feelings.
- Show respect: Listen to your
friends. Really think about their thoughts and feelings.
- Be considerate: Think about
the needs of others. Help them when you can, even before they ask for
help.
- Rejoice together: Be glad
for your friends when good things happen for them, even if your own life is not
going well.
- Be aware: Think about how
what you do or say affects the people around you.
- Honor yourself: Make sure
that you act according to your own beliefs and values.
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Develop patience
Patience is accepting the things you cannot change
and being peaceful, content, and willing to enjoy the moment. Patience takes
practice, especially in a fast-paced world, but patience is essential if you
want to connect with others.
Here are some tips to increase your
patience:
- Think of a difficulty or a long wait as a
chance to practice your patience.
- Accept that, just as your mistakes sometimes
slow other people down, other people's mistakes will sometimes slow you down.
Be willing to wait for others, just as you would want them to wait for
you.
- Accept and forgive yourself when you are not
patient. Remember to work on it for next time.
 Sarah's story: "It drives me crazy
when my mom runs all over town doing errands and I have to come along, or when
my little sister takes all morning in the bathroom. I guess I'm not very
patient. Since I know I'm going to have to wait anyhow, I try to use the time
to do something else. Like, with my mom, I try to learn where all the streets
are as we drive, since I will get my driver's license soon. And while I'm
waiting to get into the bathroom, I take the extra time to talk to my
stepfather about my school and his work and stuff."
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Be safe in relationships
Part of being a young woman is learning how to be
in relationships with many kinds of people. This includes friends, family
members, and teachers. It also includes someone you are or want to be dating.
It is hard to learn how to form safe and healthy relationships. Always let an
adult know where you are going and who you'll be with. Tell someone right away
if you are in any relationship where you do not feel comfortable or safe.
Safe and healthy relationships are built on
honesty and respect. That means each person listens to the other's thoughts and
opinions without making a judgment or finding fault. In healthy relationships,
it is OK to disagree and argue sometimes. However, both people ought to be able
to talk about the issues and find a compromise. It is even OK to agree to
disagree.
Here is a way to check and see how healthy one of
your relationships is. Read the questions below. Then check yes or no based on
your situation. The more times you check yes, the healthier your
relationship.
|
____Yes |
____No |
Do you feel good about yourself when you are
around that person? (The person should not make you feel worried, sad, mad, or
scared.) |
|
____Yes |
____No |
Is your relationship balanced? Is there an
equal amount of give and take? (You should not find yourself giving more
attention to the other person than he or she gives to you.) |
|
____Yes |
____No |
Do you feel that you can trust the other
person? (You should be able to depend on the other person.) |
|
____Yes |
____No |
Do you feel that you can trust the other
person? (You should be able to depend on the other person.) |
|
____Yes |
____No |
Does the other person support you when you
make a mistake? (The other person should not find fault with you all the time
or call you names.) |
If you think you might be in an unhealthy
relationship (or if you have a friend who is), let an adult know. Talk to your
school counselor, a trusted teacher, a coach, a neighbor, or a parent. With
help, you can get out of it or make it better.
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Give help to others in
need
Helping others isn't just for Girl Scouts! Being a
good friend means offering help whenever you can. Listen with sincere interest,
and try not to judge. Offer to try to find help for friends in need. You can
find information on how to help from many places:
- Your school counselor or a trusted teacher or
coach
- Your doctor or health care provider
- A leader at your church, synagogue, or
mosque
- The local library
- The phone book – look for the YWCA or
county services
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Quiz: How patient are
you?
You've heard it said that patience is a
virtue. Are you patient? Take this quiz to find out.
- You are shopping and the cashier is
very slow. You:
____ Look around while standing in line. (2)
____ Get flustered and leave the store. (0)
- You are out of town and forget your
toothbrush. You:
____ Smile and think it will be an adventure to
find a store in a new place. (2)
____ Get angry at yourself for forgetting.
(0)
- When your friend disagrees with others,
you:
____ Listen to what she has to say and think about it from
her perspective. (2)
____ Immediately tell her she is wrong. (0)
- You are with a younger girl in gym
class and she is not catching on very well. You:
____ Tell her
that you think she is doing a good job to boost her confidence. (2)
____
Tell her you are too busy to help her. (0)
- You are stuck on the bus because of a
nearby accident. You:
____ Use the time to start on your homework.
(2)
____ Stress out about how late you will be. (0)
Scoring:
0-5 Patience is a virtue.
No
one is perfect. Sometimes, other people will slow you down or things will take
longer than you planned. Accept that other people may not be as quick as you
are, and try not to sweat the small stuff. You may even learn something new
while you wait!
6-10 You're in control of your
mood.
You seem to have common sense in any situation and are in
check with your mood. People lean on you in times of crisis. Make sure you pay
attention to how you're feeling. Continue to be thoughtful and patient in your
relationships.
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Activities to help you
connect with others
Here are some short exercises you and your friends
can do to help you connect with others.
List some parts of your racial, ethnic, or
cultural background that shape you in positive ways:
What are some needs in your community? How
could you get more involved to help?
How do you feel when you are not patient?
What would help you learn patience?
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Bright Futures—A Young Woman's Guide to Emotional
Wellness