Bright Futures for Womens Health

Women can find many different ways to connect. You can connect to others through your neighborhood, your ethnic group, a club you belong to, or your group of friends. Connections are an important part of emotional wellness.

Connections with others can help you have a sense of belonging. Other people can help you find meaning in life and feel valued. They can benefit your health. Being connected to others can help you fight depression and give you a better quality of life.

This section of the guide will give you tips on how to form connections and develop and maintain healthy relationships:

Find a connection

As humans, and especially as women, we have a deep need to feel connected. Think about your many relationships: family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and people you see every day. No matter how close or casual, those connections are all important. Our connections to others shape our thoughts and feelings. Every woman needs connections.

Here are some things you can do to feel more connected:

Volunteer in your neighborhood or community. Check with your local government or local community organizations for opportunities.
Pick up a local newspaper and attend an advertised community event with a friend.
Attend events or take classes at a local community or senior center.
Sign up for an exercise class.
Attend a PTA meeting.
Spend more time with your friends. Make an effort to call and write them more often.
Accept offers of assistance. Offer to trade favors, such as babysitting or cooking, with others.

Identify with your racial, ethnic, or cultural background, and learn about other cultures

Some people may draw strength from their racial, ethnic, or cultural communities. Our racial, ethnic, and cultural histories tell the stories of where we came from. Taking pride in your heritage is a good way to connect with others. Along with learning about your own background, a great way to make connections is to learn about the backgrounds of those around you.

Here are some ways to learn more about your history, or that of those around you:

Interview a family member or friend.
Go to a cultural event in your community.
Research issues related to race, ethnicity, or culture on the Internet or at the library. You could try to find out more about your last name or family history, or that of a friend or neighbor.
Coordinate an ethnic potluck at your workplace.
Read a book or visit a Web site about your culture, or that of a friend or neighbor.

Connect with children

Children are an important part of the lives of many women. They could be your own children or grandchildren. They could be those of a friend or family member, or children you see in your community. Staying involved in the lives of children can help you build a strong emotional life.

Here are some ways to help you stay connected to the children in your life:

When talking to children, get to their level. Make eye contact to show them that they are important to you.
Ask kids about their schoolwork, their friends, their dreams, and their feelings in general. Share your thoughts and feelings with them, too.
Write a note to the children in your life to let them know you care about them and will be there for them.
When you have to be away from your own children, make certain you stay connected. Call them regularly when you are away from home, or leave a note of love in a spot where they will find it. Staying connected is not only good for them, it is good for you, too!

Learn about healthy relationships

Having connections and a social support system is one of the best ways to improve your emotional health. It makes you feel good just to be able to talk to friends and family members. The best connections are part of healthy relationships. Here are a few ingredients for a healthy relationship:

Learn about empathy and its importance in relationships

Empathy is being able to understand what another person is feeling. It means to " put yourself in someone else's shoes." It is a key part of a strong relationship. Empathy makes people feel listened to and understood. Seek friends who are empathetic, and learn how to be empathetic.

Here are two steps you can take to show empathy: 1) give a brief reply that captures the situation; 2) add an emotion.

Suppose a friend tells you how she had to stay late at work and missed an important event. You can say, "When you could not leave work on time, you must have felt frustrated." This shows that you are really listening and trying to understand how your friend is feeling.

Maria's story: "Recently, I got into genealogy. It's fun to learn about all the women in my family and their histories. It makes me feel really connected with my heritage. I tried to get my best friend into it, but her parents are divorced and she's not close with her father's side of the family. She admitted that the thought of exploring her family tree both excited and saddened her. I hadn't even thought about how hard that might be for her. So, I suggested we just trace her mother's side of the family as a start and see what kinds of interesting things we could discover. We had a great time, and I could tell she really appreciated my sensitivity."

Learn how to be more mindful of other people and their situations

Being mindful means having your mind present in a situation. That means thinking about what is going on and being aware of your feelings in the moment. A mindful person thinks about and cares about other people's feelings while also being aware of her own feelings.

Here are some ways to be mindful:

Be present: Be aware of your own thoughts and feelings.
Show respect: Listen to your friends, and really consider their thoughts and feelings.
Be considerate: Think about the needs of others and help them when you can, even before they ask for help.
Rejoice together: Be glad for your friends when good things happen for them, even if your own life is not going well. Wish others the best life has to offer.
Be aware: Think about how your actions and reactions affect the people around you.
Honor yourself: Make sure that your actions are consistent with your own beliefs and values.

Develop patience

Patience is accepting the things you cannot change. It means being peaceful, content, satisfied, and willing to enjoy the moment. When you are patient, you can wait without feeling anxious or frustrated. You will be more caring, understanding, and accepting of others. Patience is an important part of healthy relationships. Patience does take practice, especially in a fast-paced world.

Here are some tips to help you be more patient:

Think of a difficulty or a long wait as a chance to practice your patience.
Accept that other people's mistakes will sometimes affect you, just as your mistakes may affect other people. Be willing to wait for others, just as you would want them to wait for you.
Accept and forgive yourself when you become impatient. Make up your mind to work on it for next time.

Be safe in relationships

Relationships that are healthy and safe are built on mutual honesty and respect. That means each person listens to the other's thoughts and opinions without making a judgment or finding fault. In this kind of relationship, it is OK to disagree and argue sometimes. However, both people ought to be able to talk about the issues and find a compromise, even if you agree to disagree.

Think about one of your relationships. Then, read these questions. Check yes or no based on your situation. The more times you check yes, the healthier your relationship.

If you think you might be in relationship that is not healthy for you, let someone know. With help, you can get out of it or make it better. If you think you may be in a relationship at home that is not safe, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Give help to others in need

Staying connected also means offering help to others. If your friend is in need, offer to find help for her. Listen with sincere interest, and try not to judge. You can find information on how to help friends in need from many places:

Audrey's story: "I'm really busy helping my kids and my grandkids, and over the years I realized I didn't have as many friends of my own as I used to. I missed having other women to talk with. So I started taking a class at our local senior's center. At first, it was really hard to make new friends. I'm 62 and have lived on my own a long time, so I'm pretty set in my ways. But then I realized I needed to spend time listening to the women I met, asking them questions, and being open with them so they could get to know me. Now I have several new friends, and we love to get together after class and chat over a cup of coffee."

Activities to help you connect with others

Here are some short exercises you can do to help you connect with others. You can do these activities by yourself, or with friends and family members.

List some parts of your racial, ethnic, or cultural background that shape you in positive ways:

What are some needs in your community? How could you get more involved to help?

How patient are you? Rate your patience level on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 means you have no patience at all and 10 means you have lots of patience: ______

How do you feel when you are impatient? What would help you be more patient?

Connecting with others