What Can Parents Do?
Let them Know How You Feel
The most important thing you can do is to let your children know how much it means to you that they behave with
kindness and responsibility. When you catch your child doing something that you think is thoughtless or cruel, you
should let them know right away that you don't want them doing that. Speak to your child firmly and honestly, and
keep your focus on the act, not on the child personally: something along the lines of 'What you did is not very
nice' rather than, 'YOU are not very nice!'
Editorial Commentary: According to the teachings from our elders, going back to our roots and priding ourselves of our
language, culture-rich traditions like respect for that which we have been blessed with, mother earth, water, food;
respect for our elders, one another and community and all living creatures breeds dignity, self-esteem and perpetual
kindness.
It's important to let you children know how deeply you feel about their behavior toward others. If they see that you
have a real emotional commitment to something, it's more likely that the issue will become important to them, too.
This emotional reaction needs to be accompanied by information: some explanation of why you disapprove ; for
example, 'Look, Joey is crying. He's crying because you took his toy away. That wasn't a very nice thing to do!'
or 'It hurts the cat when you do that; that's why he scratched you. It isn't kind, and I don't want you to do that
anymore!'
Be frank, honest and upfront with your kids about what kind of behavior you do and don't like. Also, keep it short
and to the point; the idea is to teach them, not the make them feel guilty!
Role Modeling
According to a study by psychologists E. Gil Clary, Ph.D. and Jude Miller, Ph.D., there are two kinds of parental
role modeling that help teach children to be caring: kindness to others, and kindness to the child.
In other words, actions speak louder than words.
If you are consistently caring and compassionate, it's more likely that your children will be too. Children watch
their parents, and other adults, for clues on how to behave.
Surround your children with other people who are kind and caring, so that they have several role
models.
Give them books that promote compassionate behavior.
Educate your children about famous altruists.
A study at the National Institute of Mental Health found that children who see kindness on television tend to
imitate it. For this reason, you may want to limit their viewing of violent programs and encourage them to watch
shows that promote ideas about caring and helping.
What most inspires a child to grow up caring about others is the caring that the child receives. Experts point out
that when children feel a more secure base at home, they're more likely to venture out and pay attention to others;
it's when they feel deprived of love and nurturing that they focus on themselves and their own needs. Furthermore,
that nurturing is itself a perfect role model for children.
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