ch. iv.]              A   "JAPANESE  BATH"                   79
badly1 with his right ear, and therefore was a constant loser at the game. He heard everything with his left ear, and therefore thought every time that the hits were to the left of him. This amused the sub-lieutenants hugely, and they declared that if the Japanese would only bombard us twice a week, the "Chief" would have to pay for drinks all round.
Suddenly there was a hit quite close. The explosion was so violent that a hand-bell on the table jumped up and rang.
I snatched up my cap and ran on deck. Happily, all had gone off well. The shell had pitched into the water about 20 yards off our port side, abreast of the fore-bridge. Its splinters had made a few holes in the boats and ventilators. On the bridge there was some damage, but no one was hurt. The Japanese were apparently again firing in our direction. The next projectile nearly grazed us, but did not burst. The water which it threw up simply swamped our deck. A group of men standing there were completely soaked.
The men shouted and laughed cheerfully.
"Have you ever had a Japanese bath?"—"Water is very different from splinters."—"If that had been a splinter my new shirt would have been spoilt."—" Hah, hah! he's in a funk about his new shirt."—"Naturally, his thick skull won't be hurt by any splinter."—"Just you wait. A splinter may hit something else besides the skull."
" Clear out!" called out the boatswain. " The orders are that no one is to be on deck who has nothing to do there. Clear out! "
The men moved on reluctantly. " What does he want? He himself goes on to the bridge with the gentlemen. Where are we to go? We have got to be somewhere. How did old ' Beardy' do it this morning ? He said: ' If I fall, I give an example.' And we are to hide?"
On our port bow a shell burst just under the stern of the Diana. Her men were running about, and some screwed the fire-hose to the rising mains.    Another shell