[Copyright 1987 by Robert Nemiroff]
  
  
  
  
                          Meeting   Abstract
                                    
  
  
  Research is presented which has not actually been done yet.  Graphs are shown depicting
  correlations we don't know exist yet, and whose existence should really not be postulated
  before-hand for fear of biasing the statistics.  Unexpected results are presented which 
  dramatically confirm the expected correlations that might exist on the presented graphs. 
  Several prominent researchers are referred to by their first names proving the authors
  really know what they are doing.  Papers supporting the presented research are discussed
  with lavish praise, while those disputing the work are not mentioned due to the severe
  time limitation. The presenting authors will get so caught up in what is being said that
  they may actually start to believe in it, and also believe that the audience's interest
  demands that the talk run longer than the appointed time limit.  Audience members will
  then clap regardless of whether or not they understood the talk, or could pronounce its
  title.  The researchers will then add a citation of the talk to their resumes and reflect on
  the increased possibility of having their grant applications accepted.