Library of Congress Election 2002 Web Archive Collection This is an archived Web site from the Library of Congress. maximize
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Archived: Nov 12, 2002 at 20:44:40
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09/15/2002   11/12/2002
BuzzMachine
... by Jeff Jarvis

November 12, 2002

Imagine what they'll put next to the toilet
: Embassy Suites is creating creativity suites to help guests think.

Embassy Suites has dubbed the new rooms Creativity Suites. They are designed, literally, to be inspirational. The showers have grease boards for jotting down brilliant ideas. Guests will find a box with crayons and exercise tapes. The luxury linens are made by Frette of Italy. The sofas in the two-room suites come in sections that can presumably be rearranged into thought-provoking positions.
Thought-provoking positions? What, you lay down with your feet up so the blood rushes to your head?

. . .

O, Canada
:


Just like Howard Stern, I've pissed off Canada. And I like Canada.
Mary Lacroix writes:

I love the site, but you broke my heart today. Here in Canada, we get The Sopranos on Tuesday night, not Sunday. I scrupulously avoid Television Without Pity's Sopranos area and Slate's shrinks' rap until after the broadcast, but I didn't know that I'd have to avoid your site as well. Lesson learned, but I'm going to be pouting all day now.
Sorry, Mary. Sorry, Canada. I'll warn you next time.

. . .
November 11, 2002

Headless horseman
: You must go to NJ.com's
Soprano's forum after last night's killer episode.
Says one poster: "I see those who felt last night was a great episode fall in three categories, judging by their posts:1. Ralphie had been asking for it.2. Finally, someone got whacked.3. Both (1) and (2)."
Another admires the product placement for Visine: "Gets the Raid out."

. . .

Switch
: He switches to
Canada.

. . .

Supersized fears
: The Wall St. Journal asks whether America is
losing its taste for fast food.

. . .

He lives
: Ken Layne is
resurrected.

. . .
November 09, 2002

And now for something different
: Just discovered Fox Searchlight shorts:
Farm Sluts is the tale of a poor shmuck who just opened the wrong email.

. . .

Arch
: So
McDonald's is in trouble.
No surprise.
They haven't been paying attention to their customers. They haven't been keeping up with trends. They haven't paid attention to details. They have done some dumb things.
A few months ago, amid huge hype and magillions of dollars of marketing, McDonald's introduced a new chicken flatbread sandwich. It was good. It was so good, I started going to McDonald's again. My wife, a McDonald's hater, even liked it. The thing sold like crazy -- even sold out in the first weeks. Life was good. I could eat fast food again and not feel as if I'd just subtracted another month from my already-too-short life.
But recently, out of nowhere, McDonald's dropped the item.
So they wasted magillions of dollars of marketing and product development. They pissed off new customers. They showed themselves to have no clear strategy. They lost sight of the trend for freshness and against frying in American food. They screwed up. No wonder they are in trouble.

: Many years ago, when I was a columnist in San Francisco, McDonald's opened a huge and very fancy restaurant over on Van Ness and I reviewed it (an idea you see all the time these days; then, I swear, it was slightly fresher). I had complaints about the place and immediately my bosses got a letter from Ray Kroc himself, complaining that I was a "codfish aristocrat" (that is, a snob without portfolio or bank account).
I called Kroc. I explained that, back in those days, I was a fan of McDonald's. I ate there up to five times a week (sad, I know). I loved McDonald's. But Mr. Kroc, I said, this restaurant just was not up to standards. They aren't following your creed of Quality Control, I said. He begged me for details. He thanked me. We ended up friendly. And the restaurant got better.
Ray Kroc paid attention to the customer. He paid attention to details. He paid attention to the world around him.
When a company stops doing that, the company will fail.
No surprise.

. . .
November 08, 2002

Get a buzz on
: Norwegian engineer invents an electrical alternative to Viagra: the
electric condom.

The machine has no side effects, needs no prescription and works immediately. It can also be mounted inside a condom.

. . .

Taking a hit
: Josh Marshall asks the right question about Dick
Gephardt.

. . .

Tablet redux
: British schoolkids will
test the tablet. Matt Haughey, like me, is not buying one.

. . .

You are what you blog
: I finally got to meet
Glenn Reynolds yesterday and found exactly what I expected: a charming, witty, unassuming, smart nice guy.
You say, What's the news there? Am I just sucking up to the traffic man?
No. I have a point:
I have concluded that you can surely know a person through his weblog.
That is not true via other forms of writing. Novelists are not what they seem from their writing (anymore than actors are what they seem from their acting); they get to prune, preen, polish, and posture and make up a persona (thus, I would advise Mrs. Jonathan Franzen nee Elizabeth Spiers not to be fooled by her literary dreamboat's style). Webloggers, on the other hand, have no time to spin themselves; they say what they think when they think it; their true selves inevitably seep onto the screen. Glenn Reynolds is just what he seems to be and so are all the other bloggers I have met.
You are what you blog.

: Glenn has been off-the-air since yesterday, when he came to New York to tape a TV show and obviously had a nightmare trip back. This was bad for him. But enough about him. How did this affect me? And even you? We were without him.
Thus the problem of the first truly connected medium.
Glenn was busy and traveling and couldn't blog.
Patrick Philips of the indispensible IWantMedia.com was at the conference I attended this week and thus couldn't blog the day away (I actually found myself using the conference's WiFi to check Philips' blog during the day, as is my habit, only to look across the aisle and realize there was going to be nothing new to read because Philips was sitting there, sans laptop).
Here is the best reason for spreading WiFi universally: so bloggers can blog anywhere anytime.

. . .

Terroristically incorrect
: Two terrorists are objecting to the term in today's NY Times.
A Pakistani man awaiting execution in Virginia for
killing CIA employees outside the agency's headquarters distanced himself from the 9.11 crew.

Mr. Kasi, 38, who said he earned a master's degree in English literature in Pakistan, insisted he was not a terrorist.
"What I did was a retaliation against the U.S. government" for American policy in the Middle East and its support of Israel, he said. "It had nothing to do with terrorism."
At the same time, the head of the Achille Lauro terrorist attack, now hiding in Iraq, waiting for our justice to come marching in, also holds himself at arm's length from bin Laden's boys.
Mr. Abbas is keen to put distance between himself and the Muslim hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks last year, whom he describes as terrorists — a term he rejects when applied to himself and the others involved in the killing of Mr. Klinghoffer.
Good God, even terrorists are politically correct.
I'm not a Trekkie, I'm a Trekker. I'm not black, I'm African-American. I'm not a waitress, I'm a waitperson. I'm not a terrorist, I'm a... what would you prefer, gentlemen: murderer? slimeball? scumbucket? evil piece of crap?
Hold on, let me get my Reuters stylebook to see what they'd recommend....

. . .
November 07, 2002

And you thought cod liver oil was bad
: Norwegian scientists say plaice
fish slime could cure colds.

. . .

The shape of things not to come
: Mark my words: The
tablet will not take over the PC world. Read the NY Times today (can't get to the link right now but Gizmodo has it) and you'll find a solution looking for a problem. It's not a good way to read a newspaper; paper is (and the newspaper industry learned that the hard way, spending a fortune in "labs"). It's not a good way to create information. It will have a limited audience for whom it works well. Limited.
All the attention it is getting is about (a) Microsoft marketing and its hope to build a new business line and (b) a hunger for new gadgets that has not been sated in too long.

. . .
November 05, 2002

The case against
: I saw Steve Case interviewed today and I can't quote what he said but I can give you my reaction:
I can't remember ever being so unimpressed with a corporate executive. He spews pap and platitudes. He has nothing to say.
AOL-TW needs vision, leadership, courage. It's not getting any of that here.
Pap.

. . .

News wants to come out
: So Nick
Denton and I are sitting at a big-name new conference in New York. We're listening to the speakers (which is all off-the-record, thus the lack of blogging).
But we are also online (thanks to a Boingo connection -- free).
And what are we doing? Checking up on the election.
We go to Drudge to get his leaked exit polls.
We go to Josh Marshall to see what his sources say.
Note, as Nick said, that we're not going to CNN.
After f'ing up in the last election, the real networks and real news sources are being as careful as a bishop at a Boy Scout convention.
But weblogs? They are the under-the-radar rebels. They will report the news. The news must be reported. The news must come out.

: Nick would be blogging this right now but this is my computer and he has to borrow it. Possession is nine tenths nya nya.

. . .

Blook
: Tony Pierce is self-publishing a
book made of his artful blog posts. I just ordered one.

. . .
November 04, 2002

Crystal ball busting
: Josh Marshall has a great collection of
prognostication on tomorrow's Senate results. Bottom line: Who the f knows? Long night.

. . .

Fly Naked
: Almost a year ago, when the shoe bomber was arrested, I suggested that we should all just
fly naked.
Well, now we can.
Here's the first nude flight. "Once the aircraft reaches cruising altitude, you will be free to enjoy the flight clothes-free." It's actually a nude resort trip, complete with -- oh, no, please, no -- nude karoake.

. . .

Leftover pumpkins?
: Turn them into
art. [via Buzz]

. . .

Where in the world is Ken Layne?
: In disguise. Having parties.

. . .

Baaaaa-ck
: Been gone. Family business. Back. Almost.

. . .
October 31, 2002

Evil in the name of God
: I got a letter today from the
National Council of Churches calling on me to call on the the government to exercise restraint regarding Iraq. Now I have no problem with that in and of itself. During the Vietnam war, I thought churches should have been stronger voices for peace; if a church does not speak for peace, who will?
But I do have a problem with churches not condemning terrorism committed in the name of Islam -- evil committed in the name of God. If churches do not condemn evil, who will?

I fear this is just the tip of an Islamically Correct movement we see growing before our eyes: It's not nice to be mean to Muslims, even though it has been Muslims declaring war on the world. It's not nice to expect Muslims to condemn terrorism done in their name -- and to be suspicious of them if they do not.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I expect religious and political Islamic leaders to condemn terrorism and to do everything possible to stop it. If they do not, they are as bad as the terrorists.

But now this letter from the National Council of Churches (of Christ in the USA -- the full title) inspires me to call on every religious organization to aggressively condemn terrorism -- especially terrorism in the name of religion. I cannot find such a statement on the National Council site. I find them scolding Jerry Falwell for being mean to Muslims. I find them complaining about security's threat to civil rights. I find them defending and trying to free Muslims held after 9.11.
I do not find them calling on their fellow people of God to stop the Islamic World War, to stop terrorism, to end this evil.
I'm not saying that churches favor terrorism, of course. I'm not saying that Muslims favor terrorism. I am saying that I expect more of them; I expect them to fight terrorism with their best weapon: God.
If churches do not condemn evil, who will?

. . .

Six feet over
: Been spending too much time (any time is too much) in a funeral home this week.
While biding (notice I did not say killing) some time, a funeral director took me into another room to show off his rental cremation casket. Here's how it works: You rent the casket but don't see that under the padding and lace, there's a cardboard box and at the foot-end of the casket are hooks and hinges that let you just flip it down so you can push the box out. "You just push him out," the man says, proudly.
I nod, appreciating the latest in business innovation.
And then I can't help myself. I mention that renting used caskets was a plot point in
Six Feet Under. Before I can ask the obvious if awkward question, the man answers: He loves the show. "I sit there giggling," he confesses. He says it's true, even educational.
My job is looking better, isn't yours?

. . .

Sharp
: Watch for a trend in designer-name phones.
Fierce Wireless, a newsletter, reports that Nextel is introducing a Swiss Army phone:

Nextel Communications yesterday announced what may be the coolest development for the smart phone segment: the Swiss Army phone. The new handset, officially called the Nextel i90c Swiss Army Special Edition, is a Motorola manufactured unit that Nextel has co-branded with Victorinox, the famous maker of Swiss Army knives. Victorinox helped design the device, which features a translucent red plastic shell and a red screen backlight and comes equipped with text versions of "The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook" and a first aid manual. The i90c also comes with a Swiss Army knife and will be available November 1 for $250.

. . .
October 30, 2002

A blog too far
: With all due respect to Glenn Reynolds -- which is a great deal of respect, indeed -- I have to join the chorus of those who complain that he went too far with this smart-assed
caption under a picture of Bill Clinton and Walter Mondale greeting each other with smiles and laughter at the memorial service for Sen. Paul Wellstone.
I'm helping to arrange a funeral right now and I shudder to fear that someone will think ill of me when I greet friend and family with a smile in a time of tragedy, when smiles are needed most.
Come on, Glenn: Clinton and Mondale like each other. That's allowed, even at funerals, even among politicians, even liberals.
This is the kind of snippy and immature post that gives our 'sphere a bad name. It is not the kind of thing you would see in most newspapers; it is the kind of thing someone would think of writing until an editor with a cooler head and wiser perspective said, "You don't really want to say that, do you?" And the person who wrote it would say, "You're right. Thanks, I needed that."
Listen to your chorus of complainers on this, Glenn. They are your editors.

: And thanks for asking.

. . .
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