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Table of Contents Acknowledgments Introduction Chapter One: Baby, Let Me Take You On a Sea Cruise Chapter Two: Fashion Police Chapter Three: Packrat, The Symphony Chapter Four: Welcome Aboard Chapter Five: This Is Not Noah's Ark Chapter Six: In the Family Way Chapter Seven: One Day at a Time Chapter Eight: Eat, Drink and Be Merry Chapter Nine: Conspicuous Consumption Chapter Ten: To Your Good Health Chapter Eleven: Good Manners Afloat and Careful Considerations Chapter Twelve: Red Sails and Eyes in the Sunrise About the Author Index Dedication Phor the Phabulous Phloating Phlock of Phlamingos Acknowledgments The first person I must thank is my husband, Andy, who dragged me kicking and screaming to say nothing of pouting and offering a little creative cussing onto a cruise ship so long ago. I was prepared to hate it. I didn't. And it changed my life. Next, thanks to Jacqueline Church Simonds and Robin Simonds for sharing my love of the sea, my love of the written word (and the egregious pun) and for being publishers non-pariel. There are not enough words to thank the Phlock of Phlamingos, with whom I've been fortunate enough to cruise both at sea and on land. They've been there for me in times of trouble and times of joy. Special thanks to the "other two twins" Pat Wood and John Mills. I also must thank the campy writers' group that I've belonged to for almost twelve years now, dedicated to frogs, chocolate and solid writerly advice. Writing is a rather solitary undertaking and the day comes when your writer's eyes glaze out at the words on the computer screen or printed page. Thanks to Al Rettig, Pat Wood, and my husband for "first reads." They kept me honest. I also thank Master Cruise Counselor Ernie Grossman for answering every strange question I had about the cruise business from a cruise travel agent's point of view. And, as always and forever, my everlasting thanks and love to my parents who told me, when I was a land-locked child in the Midwest and only dreaming of sailing the Seven Seas, that I could be or do anything I wanted. Introduction An almost-forgotten writer once wondered why this planet is called "Earth" when two- thirds of it is water and humans don't have gills? Maybe better, he argued, that the planet should be called "Ocean." The number of cruise ships and those sailing on them tells the tale. We don't need gills. Over the past thirty years the industry has burgeoned to the point where an observer from another planet might wonder if there could be any more cruisers out there. There are, and the number of cruisers increases constantly. How much has cruising grown? Thirty years ago when I lived in the Caribbean, one or two cruise ships called in at St. Thomas port two or three times a week. Today, ten ships in port on any day of the week might be considered slow. Fifteen years ago, ships ported in at Cozumel twice a week in the Winter season. Now, it's unusual to see less than three ships in port at any time of the year. Locals used to head for the proverbial hills on "cruise ship days" while merchants gleefully raised their prices. Now, almost every day is a cruise ship day, almost everywhere on the popular itineraries. New ports are being opened and developed. In some cases, such as Calica in Yucatan and private islands owned or leased by cruise lines, ports are being invented to satisfy the cruising public. Very few port cities are unhappy as cruise passengers contribute more and more to the local economy. Whether it's your first cruise or your fiftieth, you will wish you had "the book" on the ship, the itinerary, what to do once aboard and where to go ashore. No book can do that perfectly. The cruise experience is highly subjective, depending upon expectations, choices and individuality. Even in the same week, on the same ship, two cruisers could have or think they had vastly different experiences. This book is the result of years of cruising around the world and years of talking to other cruisers on ships, on the Internet and in e-mail. It is, by nature, generic. That's why you will find words like often, generally, usually, sometimes and rarely. You will also find the word "we" frequently. That's because all my cruise experiences have been shared with others. I've seen boatloads of things through their eyes as well as my own. There's an underlying assumption in this book that most cruisers do travel as couples and that most cruisers do travel predictable itineraries, particularly in the Caribbean. Another underlying assumption is that the ladies do the packing for the couples. While these assumptions may not be entirely politically correct, they avoid tortured tautology. Over the time since my first cruise book, Cruise Control, was published, I've been asked hundreds of questions about the cruise experience and done my best to answer. In the course of a position as an editor at an on-line service devoted to the cruise experience, I answered hundreds, if not thousands, more. In Happy Sails, I've attempted to answer the most common questions and some rather uncommon ones in the hope that there will be something of value for every cruiser, from the most nervous of newbies to the "old salts" who believe they've seen it all or, at least, most of it. I've also tried to put you, the reader, "in the same boat" with me and give you a chuckle with some stories accumulated from my time at sea. Before you ask yes, I was the one who packed her shoes the last night out and left the ship barefooted. So, let's get that lifeboat drill over with and go cruising! Happy Sails!
Library of Congress Subject Headings for this publication: Ocean travel, Cruise ships