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Table of Contents Preface Introduction ? The Importance of Parents ? Parenting a Gifted Child Is a Lonely Experience ? Myths about Gifted Children ? Is There a Better Term than "Gifted"? ? Challenges for Gifted Children ? Practical Advice Chapter 1: Defining Giftedness ? What Exactly Is Giftedness? ? Are Mental Abilities Inherited? ? How Do We Measure Giftedness? ? Multiple Intelligences Chapter 2: Characteristics of Gifted Children ? The Most Typical Characteristics o Strong verbal abilities o Unusually good memory o Intense curiosity o Wide range of interests o Interest in experimenting o Passionate imagination and creativity o Remarkable sense of humor o Desire for reasons and understanding o Impatience with themselves or with others o Longer attention span o Complex thinking o Concern with social or political problems or injustices o Sensitivity o Intensity o Daydreaming ? Auditory-Sequential or Visual-Spatial? ? Overexcitabilities and Gifted Children o Intellectual overexcitability o Imaginational overexcitability o Emotional overexcitability o Psychomotor overexcitability o Sensual overexcitability ? Potential Problems for Gifted Children ? Is My Child Gifted or Just Smart? o Questioning style o Learning speed and application of concepts o Emotional outlook o Level of interest o Language ability o Concern with fairness Chapter 3: Communication: The Key to Relationships ? What Communication Skills Are You Modeling? ? Barriers to Communication and Relationships ? Communication and Feelings Are Linked ? Feelings are Neither Right Nor Wrong ? Naming Feelings ? Communication Issues for Gifted Children ? Punishing the Child for Being Gifted ? Communication is the Lifeline ? Other Obstructions to Communication ? Techniques and Strategies o Listen, if you want to communicate o Accept feelings even when you disagree with them o Create an atmosphere that promotes communication o Use reflective listening o Understand silence o Set aside special time o Create family "Super Saturdays" o Assess emotional temperatures o Share feelings o Use "I-Statements" o Separate the behavior from the child o Remember your own past o Teach interpersonal skills o Monitor your own intense feelings o Avoid untrue or contradictory messages o Communicate with touch o Avoid gossip o Reward honesty o Establish a complaint department o Respect your child's feelings, and don't intrude o Handle sensitive topics delicately o Appreciate temperament differences o Avoid making promises; they can be difficulty to keep o Enjoy favorite activities together o Use written notes tucked here and there o Avoid too many "observations" ? Solving Communication Problems Chapter 4: Motivation, Enthusiasm, and Underachievement ? How Can Motivation Become a Problem? ? Why Wouldn't a Gifted Child Be Motivated? o Health o Family o Relationships o School o Other factors ? Where to Start o What does the child see as important? o Are you understanding or demanding? ? The Next Step: Find the Child's Interests ? Involve the Child in Self-Management ? What Motivates People? ? The Foundation¿Four Basic Needs ? The Advanced Levels¿Four Growth Needs ? Six Practical Steps ? Create a Climate for Motivation ? Avoid Power Struggles ? Develop a Positive Relationship ? Challenge, but Provide Support ? Establish Appropriate Goals o Planning the steps o Values o Parental values and goals ? Build on Success o Support small steps o Catch the child doing something right--frequently o Use "expectant praise" ? Other Techniques and Strategies o Focus on effort, not just the outcome o Recognize accomplishments o Participate in joint activities o Avoid "Yes, buts¿" o Be sensitive, but also specific o Seek mentoring opportunities ? Find the Balance Chapter 5: Establishing Discipline and Teaching Self-Management ? Discipline and Punishment ? Three Discipline Styles ? Discipline and Self-Management ? Self-Discipline Is Learned Slowly ? Three Questions of Discipline ? How Discipline Problems Arise ? Establish Limits ? Avoid Feeding the Monster of Negativity ? Consistency Is Important ? How Many Rules? ? Develop Rules As a Family ? Children Learn Best through Experience o Natural consequences o Logical consequences o Imposed consequences ? Actions Speak Louder Than Words o Be frequent and consistent o Don't reward the misbehavior o Avoid shooing flies o Rein in nagging o Sometimes, ignore behaviors o Try not to overreact o Avoid being tentative, changing consequences, and giving mixed messages ? Power Struggles over Discipline ? How Much to Push? When to Back Off? ? Offer Choices ? Praise and Encouragement Guidelines o Praise should be accurate, valid, and specific o Praise the behavior, not the child o Use the sandwich technique ? Other Suggestions and Strategies o Acknowledge emotions first; then address discipline o Assess the child's needs o Choose your battles o Examine your expectations o Make expectations clear o Refrain from harsh and inconsistent punishment o Support the other parent o Avoid ridicule and sarcasm o Use a written goal schedule or chart o Write behavioral contracts o Touch your child to get his attention and to show affection o Convey your trust that your children will act wisely o Avoid dishonesty; do not encourage your child to lie o Be patient; don't give up! Chapter 6: Intensity, Stress, and Perfectionism ? Intensity and Sensitivity ? How Others React to Gifted Behaviors ? Asynchronous Development o Emotional and intellectual maturity o Asynchrony of abilities o Interpersonal asynchrony ? Idealism and Perfectionism ? Is Perfectionism Inborn or Learned? ? Types of Perfectionism ? Overachievement: Is It Possible? ? Problems and Opportunities of Stress ? Handling Excessive Stress ? Learning to Tolerate Frustration ? Self-Management ? Our Inner Voice ? Self-Talk Mistakes o The bad bookkeeping error o The proportionality error o Illogical beliefs o Failing to look for evidence ? Avoiding the Pitfalls ? Additional Suggestions and Strategies o Talk about self-talk o Model healthy self-talk o Don't ignore or deny problems o Listen, but give little direct advice o Avoid parental over-involvement o Allow the child to dream o Teach ways to look for evidence to challenge unhealthy self-talk o Practice making predictions o Explore real vs. false alarms o Act, rather than fret o Practice relaxation strategies o Learn to say "no" o Is it my problem, or does it belong to someone else? o Develop perspective through books and movies o Use a daily journal o Expect progress, not perfection o Encourage pride in attempts o Avoid blaming others; it does not reduce stress o Convert problems into opportunities o Attempt to compartmentalize stressors o Learn how to ignore o Bullying and stress o Relieve tension with humor o Monitor physical and emotional conditions o Practice other coping activities ? The Alphabet of Resilience¿The ABCDE Model o Adversity o Beliefs o Consequences o Disputing o Energizing ? A Resilient Sense of Self is Vital Chapter 7: Idealism, Unhappiness, and Depression ? How Widespread is Depression? ? Depression and Suicide in Gifted Children ? Which Gifted Children Are More at Risk? ? Criticism and Depression ? Symptoms of Depression ? Genetics and Environment ? Other Sources of Depression o Loss and grief o Idealism, perfectionism, and disappointment o Interpersonal alienation o Existential concerns ? Depression and Anger ? Preventing Depression ? Feeling Disappointed in Oneself ? Helping a Child Who Is Depressed o Notice how long the child has been depressed o Listen to the child o Accept the concerns o Give emotional support o Evaluate the level of depression and degree of risk o Ask about suicide o Consult with others o Take action. ? Suicide Chapter 8: Acquaintances, Friends, and Peers ? Who Is a True Peer for a Gifted Child? ? How Many Friends Does Your Child Need? ? When Do Peer Problems Begin? o Preschool peer problems o Peer concerns in school o Peer pressures from home o Peer pressures for parents ? How Important Are Social Skills? ? Older Playmates ? Special Friends ? Introversion and Peers ? Alone Time ? Peer Comparisons and the Label Gifted ? Friendship Strategies ? Peer Pressures in Adolescence ? Peer Pressure and Academic Underachievement ? Peer Relations in College and After ? Stages of Friendship ? Aggressive, Passive, or Assertive ? Practical Suggestions o Provide structure o Avoid overscheduling o Change bossiness into leadership o Consider special schools or programs o Avoid too many comparisons o Put peer pressure in perspective o Use bibliotherapy ? Peer Relations within the Family ? Helping Parents Cope with Peer Pressure Chapter 9: Family Relationships: Siblings and Only Children ? Only Children ? Sibling Competition and Cooperation ? Birth Order ? Roles and Status ? Sibling Rivalry ? Seeking Power, Attention, and Recognition ? Why Else Do They Squabble and Compete? ? Unequal Abilities among Siblings ? How Permanent Are Sibling Patterns? ? Role Models ? Practical Suggestions o Use special time o Set limits o Foster a comfortable environment o Avoid (or at least minimize) comparisons o Describe, rather than compare o When others make comparisons o Minimize your involvement o Acknowledge the feelings o Don't take sides o Teach sharing and problem solving o Expand and highlight the child's roles ? Fair and Equal Does Not always Mean Identical ? Expand and Highlight the Child's Roles ? Sibling Cooperation Chapter 10: Values, Traditions, and Uniqueness: Challenging Customs and Searching for Individuality ? The Value of Traditions, Customs and Social Norms ? Types of Traditions ? Traditions Can Create Conflict ? Challenging Traditions ? Progress May Come from Defying Traditions ? Traditions, Values, and Moral Development ? Practical Suggestions o Understanding the costs o Confronting or leading? o Being true to yourself o Recognizing your own beliefs o Keeping communication open o Rebelling can hurt relationships o Exploring non-traditional gender roles o Expect your children to examine other traditions o Examine your family's traditions ? Shared Experiences Cultivate Traditions Chapter 11: Complexities of Successful Parenting ? Influences on Modern Parenting o Mobility o Divorce and remarriage o Faster pace o Nothing is unthinkable o Disturbing role modes o Consumerism ? Being a Successful Parent ? Parents Must Care for Themselves, Too ? Maintain Perspective and Distance o Adultizing the gifted child o Enmeshment ? Pushy Parent, or Just Involved? ? Does Common Wisdom Apply to Exceptional Children? ? Family Equilibrium ? Blended Families and Step-Parenting ? When Parenting Styles Differ ? Disagreements among Parents ? Practical Suggestions ? Gifted Adults Chapter 12: Children Who Are Twice-Exceptional ? The Problem of Misdiagnosis ? Disorders Frequently Associated with Giftedness ? Learning Disabilities ? Diagnosing Learning Disabilities ? Areas of Learning Disability o Reading Disorders o Writing Problems o Language production o Learning and memory problems o Mathematics disorder o Nonverbal Learning Disorders o Sensory-Motor Integration Disorders o Auditory Processing Disorders ? Cognitive Rehabilitation ? ADD/ADHD o ADD/ADHD, Gifted, or Both? o Similarities and differences between Gifted Behaviors and ADHD ? Asperger's Disorder o Similarities between Asperger's Disorder and Gifted Behaviors ? Practical Suggestions Chapter 13: How Schools Identify Gifted Children ? Methods of Identification ? Teacher Nominations ? Group Achievement Tests ? Group Ability Tests ? Rating Scales and Checklists ? Creativity Testing ? Using Multiple Criteria ? When Scores Do Not Match with the Characteristics ? Individual Testing ? Measuring Intelligence ? How Early Can You Do IQ Tests? ? Culture-Fair Issues in Testing Intelligence ? Trust Your Own Observations Chapter 14: Finding a Good Educational Fit ? Can't I Simply Trust the Schools? ? Working with Schools ? What to look for in the School ? School Provisions for Gifted Children ? Differentiation within the Regular Classroom ? Program Options for Gifted Children o Enrichment ? Enrichment in the classroom ? Enrichment using resource programs o Ability Grouping ? Cluster grouping ? Acceleration options ? Acceleration with advanced classes ? Talent Search programs ? International Baccalaureate programs ? School Options o Self-Contained Schools for Gifted Children o Charter Schools o Private and Parochial Schools o Home Schooling ? Parents have a Voice ? Gathering Information about a Gifted Program ? Advocating for Your Child ? The Importance of Gifted Education ? Schools Reflect Society ? Financial Support for Gifted Education ? Parent Involvement Is Important Chapter 15: Finding Professional Help ? Talk to Other Parents ? Deciding to Seek a Counselor ? Is Testing Needed? ? Medication or Counseling? ? A Family Counselor? ? How Expensive Is It? ? Finding the Right Professional ? What Should I Expect? Resources ? Associations and Organizations ? Internet ? Journals Appendix A: Suggested Readings About the Authors References Index List of Tables Table 1: Gardner's Multiple Intelligences Table 2: Common Characteristics of Gifted Children Table 3: Thinking and Learning Styles Table 4: Problems Associated with Characteristic Strengths in Gifted Children Table 5: Underlying Beliefs and Emotional Consequences Table 6: Frequent Reasons for Underachievement and Decreased Motivation Table 7: Illogical and Unreasonable Beliefs Table 8: Stages of Moral Development Table 9: Ability and Performance areas covered by the Renzulli and Smith Scales for Rating the Characteristics of Superior Students Table 10: Questions More Important than "Is My Child In a Gifted Program?" Table 11: Differentiation of Curriculum and Instruction Table 12: Ability Grouping and Acceleration List of Figures Figure 1: Distribution of Intelligence Quotients
Library of Congress Subject Headings for this publication:
Gifted children.
Child rearing.
Gifted children -- Psychology.
Parenting.