[md]
"--- and you, fantasy Frank, and dreamworld Dora, and hallucination Harold, and delusion Dick,
and nightmare Ned...
What is it, how do you say it,
what does it mean, what's the word,
that miracle thing, the thing that can't be so, quote, unquote, but just the same it's true . . ." {Begin handwritten}KENNETH FEARING{End handwritten}{Begin page no. I}{Begin handwritten}I{End handwritten} - HYGIENE JOE {Begin handwritten}I{End handwritten}
People ain't natural. They eat too much. You know, your stomach can hold maybe a pint. The majority of people cram a whole quart into it. What happens? Neuritis, arthritis, nephritis, colitis and so forth.
Take the question of sex. Majority of people are sex perverts.
Overdo it. Can't stay away from the wife. Got to adulterate her. Animals don't do that, insects neither. It ain't natural. You can sit near a fire {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten};{End handwritten}{End inserted text} you don't have to lay right in it, do you? You can smell poison, can't you {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten};{End handwritten}{End inserted text} you don't have to go ahead and drink it. You can drink water, you don't have to drown in it. Am I right or wrong?
Most natural place in the world is the {Begin deleted text}Carribbeans{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}Caribbeans{End inserted text}. Plenty of fruit and you never get constipated. I was there six years ago. Before that I was just an honest dope. You know, work {Begin deleted text}alla{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}all{End inserted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}the{End handwritten}{End inserted text} time, worrying and take everything serious. Well, suddenly I started in using my eyes and I saw an awful lot, I'm telling you.
For instance, I discovered the less a guy works the more money he's making. After a while, I started in working less, see? I figured - you know the way I figured. But something went wrong with the idea. The less I worked the less I was making. But I still figured the same way. So I tried it again. I worked less and less. And sure enough I got less. Well, finally, I worked less and less and less, and then I stopped altogether. I'm stubborn.
You know. Once I get an idea, I don't let go. So I got fired. So I thought I'd blow the stink off and I goes down to the {Begin deleted text}Carribbees{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}Caribbees{End inserted text}. That was heaven.
Soon as I can {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten},{End handwritten}{End inserted text} I'm going to work on that problem again. Go and find me another job, and find out what was wrong with my system. So far as I can see, personally, it was all right.
But the most natural way of all is like the way I'm doing now.
Not working at all. It's the most hygienic. How does it strike you, am I right or wrong? {Begin page}{Begin handwritten}Out See copy [?]{End handwritten} {Begin deleted text}I - AM I RIGHT OR WRONG?{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}"Forget the answers that{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}give no reason, forget{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the reasons that do not{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}explain." {End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}(A thin man sits modestly on{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}a bare park bench, one bony{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}leg folded over the other, his{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}veiny hands resting in his{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}sunken lap. The long face is{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}deeply lined but peaceful, the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}old shoes are [?] but polished,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the worn trousers are glossy but{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}pressed. There isn't the faintest{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}worry in the shrewd blue eyes.) {End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}People ain't nacheral. Dey eat too much. Ye know,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}yer stomach kin hold maybe a pint. De majority uh people cram{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}a whole quart inta it. What happens? Neuritis, artritis,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}nefritis, colitis an' so forth.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}Take de question uh sex. Majority uh people are sex{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}poiviots. Ovuhdo it. Can't stay away from de wife. Got to{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}adulterate her. Animals don't do dat, insects neider. It{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}ain't nasheral. Ye kin sit near a fire, ye don' have to lay{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}right in it, do yuh? Ye kin smell poison, cancha, ye don'{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}have to go ahead an' drink it. Ye kin drink water, ye don'{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}have to drown in it. Am I right or wrong?{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}Mos' nacheral place in de woil' is de Caribbeans.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}Plenty a froot an yuh nevuh get constipated. I wuz dere{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}six yeehs ago. Before dat I wuz just an honest dope. Yuh{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}know, work all a time, worryin and take everything serious.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}Well, suddenly I started in usin my eyes an I saw an awful lot, {Begin page no. 2}{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}I'm tellin yuh.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}Fir instance, I discovered de less a guy works the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}more money he's makin. Aftuh a while, I started in workin less,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}see? I figgered - you know de way I figgered. But sumthin went{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}wrong wid de idea. De less I woiked de less I wuz makin. But I{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}still figgered de same way. So I tried it again. I woiked less{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}n less. An sure enuff, I got less. Well, finally, I woiked{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}less n less n less, and den I stopped altogether. I'm stubborn.{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}You know. Once I get an idea, I don't let go. So I got fired.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}So I thought I'd blow de stink off and I goes down to de Caribbees.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}Dat wuz heaven.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}Soons I can I'm goin' to work on dat problem again.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}Go an' find me anodder job and find out what wuz wrong wid my{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}system. Nacherally, so fars I kin see, personally, it wuz all{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}right.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}But de Mos' nachera way of all is like de way I'm{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}doin now. Not woikin at all. It's de most dygienic. How does{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}it strike yuh, am I right or wrong?{End deleted text}{Begin page}{Begin handwritten}II - {End handwritten} {Begin deleted text}I GOT {End deleted text} AN AMERICAN SPINE WITH A HEART FROM THE OLD WORLD {Begin deleted text}"What will you say and where{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}will you turn?{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}What will you do? What will{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}you do? What will you do?"{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}(An aging Bronx Jew whom unemployment{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}has robbed of status{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}as father, husband, lover and{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}breadwinner. He married young{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}and worked hard, filling his{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}household with squawks and rages,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}although fulfilling all his{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}duties and satisfying all his appetites. When his wife took{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}over his place as breadwinner,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}he embarked on a frustrated{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}career as vagabond. Now he finds{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}he hasn't either the health or{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}inclination. He is only a tired{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}old man. His narrow brown eyes{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}are inflamed, and his lips, although{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}still thick and red, smack{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}with an empty hopeless sound as he talks.){End deleted text}
Go hang yourself with your own necktie. When I'm fifty years, an old man, I'm strolling around with my hands in my pockets. I'm suddenly a vagabond. I'm telling you I got specks in my eyes. I'm screaming in my sleep, I'm ain't human no more.
After all, human nature is four things, ain't it?
Clothing, food, shelter and recreation. In the morning you wake up, the first thing you put on your clothes, the second the belly starts in to talk, so you {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} eat. The third thing you want recreation. So you get tired out, then you {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} lay down. But where in the bed? We ain't animals,{Begin page no. 2}they can sleep in a hole in the ground, nature gave them their own clothing. About insects, we ain't talking neither - bedbugs and mosquitoes - their whole life is recreation.
What shall I do? I ain't a tub of wisdom, I'm a plain old man. Like they say around here, I ain't a thoroughbred. Suddenly it's a different world. Yesterday I'm sure a thing is wrong, today somebody is doing it. So if somebody is doing it already, it can't be wrong?
I'm completely turned around. I'm a not, N-O-T.
It's the world of the doughnut and the hot dog. Nothing balances.
An old man was asking them for a blanket last week, I saw it with my own eyes, they sent him to the hospital. First they kill you, then they are putting a pillow under your head.
Look, my face. Such a face you don't get laying in the lap of lady luck. It's three years already - I come home three o'clock in the morning the kids are in bed {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten},{End handwritten}{End inserted text} but my wife she's dressed up to kill. Sarah, what's the matter? I ask. She says: I'm going out. What out? I say. In the middle of the night, out? Go to bed, Sarah.
She says: You go to bed, I'm going out. So a whole month I worried and complained and talked and finally she threw me out of the house altogether. What could I do? It was {Begin page no. 3}her property, I was depending on her. I was no more a man, you understand, not human, so she threw me out, twenty-six years we was married. The Bible tells you when Abraham was an old man the people, they sent him in a young girl she should make him young again. But am I Abraham they should do this with me? Impossible! Go got born all over again!
A question: was I really born? Or maybe God dropped as through a hole in the sky and I ain't born yet.
Dead I ain't neither. I'm like stuck in a sewer pipe. I'm in it, I'm stuffing it up and they're pushing me down in the river, the East River or the Hudson River, I got no choice.
Back I can't go. It's too late. Like yesterday - I was standing on the breadline. Was it yesterday? What is it today? Tuesday? That's right, yesterday I was standing there and suddenly a cop hollers: Back up. Two hundred people on the line, he says to them back up. So he started in to shove. in two minutes there was a fight with three broken heads. You can't back up no more.
One thing I'm finished with {Begin deleted text}livin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}living{End handwritten}{End inserted text} and {Begin deleted text}lyin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}lying{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, like they say here. The whole life it's like a cough, and when you're living it's like sucking cough drops - it don't help the poor people. And of course the rich people nothing helps no more -- it's like a lot of pigs eating pigs' knuckles.
{Begin page no. 4}What can I do? I got an American {Begin deleted text}Spine{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}sping{End inserted text} but with a heart from the old world.
The only thing it's a good God, a wise God, he won't let me live long. That's all. {Begin page}{Begin handwritten}III{End handwritten} A ONE-MAN BOYCOTT OF THE UNIVERSE {Begin deleted text}"As time, time, time slips{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}between the fingers and{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}flows through the heart{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}time after time it comes to{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}this, it is a question of time." {End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}(This high-strung sidewalk intellectual{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}is wiry and swarthy{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}with oily skin and greasy eyes.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}His mouth is twisted between{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}self-pity and bitter contempt.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}A permanent grimace of satire is{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}on his lips. He earns carfare and{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}coffee-and by selling a scathing{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}broadside against Hitler. A habitue{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}of the New York Public Library,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}he rounds out his nervous{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}denunciations of dictatorship with{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}cullings from encyclopedias and{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}thesaureses.){End deleted text}
I am a scholar of cosmos, my contemporary friend.
Cosmology, histology, pathology, neurology, astro-physiology and the whole tautology of existence are my fields. Is there a design, a scheme, a plan in this world? No, I declare, no, no and again no.
The world is tottering toward catastrophe, my friend, it in suffering fluctuations, alterations, transformations, - in short, flux. In order to save their front lawns and limousines, the economic royalist gang of psychopaths, paranoiacs, neuresthenics and megalomaniacs - in short, butchers - are {Begin page no. 2}are plotting to delude, deter, detract, deceive, extort us with nationalism, patriotism, aryanism, racialism - in short, LIES. Everywhere trepidation, hallucination, anxiety prevail. In short, jitters.
The poor people may vacillate, fluctuate, hesitate and - waver. But, my contemporary, they will win their revenge.
The disinherited will have their cosmic revenge. I promise it. Picture for yourself, for example, their grave and ours. First, ours. Look at me. I'm emaciated, dessicated, lacerated, withered - in short, dried up. Imagine me dead. I'm lying there like a schlemiel in a cheap coffin of warped, bleached, knotty lumber - in short, a pine box. Along come the worms - the round worms, the flat worms, the earth worms, the tape-worms - in short, worms. They're wriggling and squirming, they're searching for something to eat that's nutritious and nourishing. They smell here, they smell there, nibble a piece here, a piece there. Phooey. Like an old baked apple. Every bite produces nausea, dizziness, wind, loss of appetite. I'm left in peace.
Now the scene shifts. It is now {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}J.{End handwritten}{End inserted text} P. Morgan's grave.
A box of delicate wood, of sensitive fibre, of finest grain.
A corpse that's fresh and rich and succulent - summers in Bar Harbor, winters in Palm Beach. It's a toothsome bit of softig carnivorae. In short - stuffed kishke. Now - enter the worm.
He's still suspicious from his meal at my grave. A cautious {Begin page no. 3}sniff and a nibble and - HA-HA-A-A-A-AH! What have we here?
Ach du Lieber. No meal or lunch or dinner but a repast a banquet rare, a feast. He rings the dinner gong and they all come running in droves - the ring-worms, the earthworms, the round worms, the flat worms, the tapeworms and presto! it's a skull and bones. You see? It's the cosmic revenge of the poor.
But not for me. No, my contemporary. I must have my revenge now, now, now. Who can trifle with lockouts, walkouts, walkins, sitdowns, sleeping? I was never hired, so I can never be fired.
My strike is a one-man boycott of the whole world. You see?
I blockade the universe.
Now look into the future. Cast your imagination into the crystal globe. Every day more and more people out of work, every day more and more joining my ranks, year by year more and more and more - millions and billions throughout the world--. Are you following me? Do you see the vision, the apparition, the overpowering apocalyptic panorama? A whole world, my friend, without a single person at work....
Colossal. . . .What?. . . {Begin deleted text}.{End deleted text} What keeps me from going mad?
Why, words, my contemporary, just words. {Begin page}{Begin handwritten}IV{End handwritten} TIME, O TIME, TURN BACK IN THY FLIGHT {Begin deleted text}"The metropolitan dive,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}jammed with your colleagues,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the derelicts; the skyscraper,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}owned by your twin, the pimp{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}of gymdrops and philanthropy;{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the auditoriums, packed with{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}weeping creditors, your peers;{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the morgues, tenanted by your{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}friends, the free dead . . ." {End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}(A war and a depression have made{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}this veteran a mental cripple at forty. There are deep furrows in{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}his thin big-boned face and his{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}hands tremble. All he has left{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}is a wicked sentimental leer in{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the pale blue eyes. He was lying{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}on the grass in Central Park with{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}a derelict crony and yes-man. A{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}"World's Fair broad" passed by and{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}he straightened up quickly, put on{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}his hat, coat and tie and went off{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}to "make" her. From the back, he{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}looked dapper and jaunty even if{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}his clothes were creased.){End deleted text}
He who shuns wine, women and song is just a fool his whole life long. - Omar Kayyam. That guy was right. All {Begin deleted text}o{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} these World's Fair broads {Begin deleted text}passin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}passing{End handwritten}{End inserted text} up and down, real blousers, and I {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} lay on the grass {Begin deleted text}an{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}and{End handwritten}{End inserted text} watch. I {Begin deleted text}oughta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}ought to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} take a stroll {Begin deleted text}ta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} Wall Street and draw some dough but it's too damm far. I tried to hock the Chrysler {Begin deleted text}Buildin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}Building{End handwritten}{End inserted text} but they wouldn't take it.
Then I sold the Essex House but I couldn't collect. Now all I got is this dime and I'm {Begin deleted text}lookin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}looking{End handwritten}{End inserted text} for its borther. If I don't find it before tonight, I'll just {Begin deleted text}hafta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}have to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} go up and sit down by the window and listen {Begin deleted text}ta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} the radio.
I ain't used {Begin deleted text}ta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} it. I hate them furnished rooms {Begin page no. 2}since that taste of heaven my wife gimme. Player piano, books, radio. Full icebox - steaks, chops, the best. All she asked me {Begin deleted text}ta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} do was stay home and take care of the house.
When she come home at night she always threw a {Begin deleted text}coupla{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}couple of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} packs of cigarettes on the table.
Hell, I couldn't stand it. I felt like a housemaid, a goddam domestic, One {Begin deleted text}mornin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}morning{End handwritten}{End inserted text} she left ninety cents for my lunch and the kid's, crackers when she come home from school, and a show. Well, I hocked the radio and bought a quart for the boys and we went to work on a coupla bottles.
When I woke up next {Begin deleted text}mornin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}morning{End handwritten}{End inserted text} they {Begin deleted text}wuz{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}was{End handwritten}{End inserted text} gone. . . .
I guess I like {Begin deleted text}layin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}laying{End handwritten}{End inserted text} in the grass too much. Tough work {Begin deleted text}an{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}and{End handwritten}{End inserted text} long hours only gets you an early grave, don't it?
Like my old man. {Begin deleted text}Layin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}Laying{End handwritten}{End inserted text} under the ground there. {Begin deleted text}Layin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}Laying{End handwritten}{End inserted text} there and {Begin deleted text}laughin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}laughing{End handwritten}{End inserted text}. Son, he's {Begin deleted text}sayin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}saying{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, you go ahead now, I'm {Begin deleted text}layin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}laying{End handwritten}{End inserted text} down {Begin deleted text}an{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}and{End handwritten}{End inserted text} rest.
I didn't even give {Begin deleted text}im{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}him{End handwritten}{End inserted text} a Fathers Day present week before he died. I figured it's commercialism, anyway, it don't matter. If {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} ain't got the guts to remember your mother and father every day in the year and {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} gotta depend on phoney commercialism {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} don't deserve a mother, {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} deserve {Begin deleted text}ta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} be born from a pig, a whole litter, goddam it, a whole goddam litter. If my duaghter ever tries {Begin deleted text}bringin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}bringing{End handwritten}{End inserted text} me candy on Fathers Day I'll kick {Begin deleted text}er{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}her{End handwritten}{End inserted text} in the can.
{Begin page no. 3}If she {Begin deleted text}an{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}and{End handwritten}{End inserted text} her mother come back, I mean. I keep my soul full of hope. I ain't {Begin deleted text}layin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}laying{End handwritten}{End inserted text} down like my old man {Begin deleted text}an{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}and{End handwritten}{End inserted text} take a rest. I read in the papers some idle rich guy shut himself up in his room, it was the Essex House, and stuffed up the windows and the door and got imself gassed up.
Must of been too dark so he decided to find his way out. He lit a cigarette. He found his way out all right. Him and the whole room there blew outa the window. . . . O time, O time, turn back in thy flight and make me a kid again just for tonight. Ya know what I'd do, if I ever decided to sort of take a rest, take a long swim out in the ocean. After a while I'd get tired but I'd keep on {Begin deleted text}swimmin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}swimming{End handwritten}{End inserted text} and then I'd get so tired I couldn't lift my arms at all. Then I'd get scared and turn around and swim for shore but I'd never reach it, see? I'd try like hell to get back and I'd go under {Begin deleted text}tryin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}trying{End handwritten}{End inserted text}.
It'd be like life that way, {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} {Begin deleted text}wanna{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}want to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} live but {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} die..
Lissen, {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} sure ya can't gimme the brother {Begin deleted text}ta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} this dime? Or do I {Begin deleted text}hafta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}have to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} go down {Begin deleted text}ta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} the river bank and draw a coupla breaths of air? . . . {Begin deleted text}Ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} just as broke as I am? . . .
Talkin sure gets {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} nowhere fast.
I {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} amscray outa here quick. This grass city is only a paradise for pigeons. {Begin page}{Begin handwritten}[V ROT GUT, BOOZE, AND BEER?]{End handwritten} O WHY WERE THEY BORN
{Begin deleted text}"...O, stead fast pauper, O,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}experienced vagrant...O,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}still unopened skeleton, O,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}tall and handsome target, O,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}neat, thrifty, strong,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}ambitious brave prospective ghost..." {End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}(This giant of a patriarch with{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}his lean stomach and hard-boned{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}shoulders, waves his lean arms in{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}large preacher-like gestures. He{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}strides around, yells, stops short,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}whines, intones, rants, barks to{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the howling amusement of the crowd.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}His untrimmed hair flows to his{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}shoulders, his heavy grey beard{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}conceals a red mouth, his blue eyes{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}are mean and mischievous and his{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}nose is a hard beak. An actor always,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}he enjoys the attention, even the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}contempt, of the crowd, since he is{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}superior to it.){End deleted text}
SH-A-A-AVEN AND SHO-O-O-ORN!......
Listen, God desired to put hair on a man's face so he put it there. Woman he desired to make beautiful so he made her face smooth. On man's face he put wonderful ha-a-a-air....GOD made ME a MAN!...SHEEP. SLAVES...Where's your individuality? Where's your personality? Where's your singularity?.... {Begin deleted text}.{End deleted text}....WHY were you BORN? Slavery! SLAVERY!...You! Why don't you shave your head, TOO? {Begin deleted text}....{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}...{End inserted text} Half men. Women. WOMEN! IMITATION MEN...[BOO?]-eater!
SWINE-EATER! {Begin deleted text}.....Rat{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}... {Begin handwritten}Rot{End handwritten}{End inserted text} -gut. Swine. Booze and BEER {Begin deleted text}.....{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}....{End inserted text} O-O-O-OH!
SHA-A-A-AVEN A-A-And {Begin deleted text}....{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}...{End inserted text} SHO-O-O-ORN! (BREAKS INTO SONG) {Begin page no. 2}
{Begin deleted text}(MORE. MORE.){End deleted text}
They look so pitiful, so sad
So miserable, s-o-o-o forlorn....
And they wander, o-o-o-h they w-a-a-a-nder
O w-hy-y-y-y were they born
To be shaven and shorn....
COWARDS!....COWARDS! {Begin deleted text}....{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}...{End inserted text}
O-O-O-O-H -
H-E-E-E is an average man.
Go all the world around.
Six months in jail and six months out
He IS an average man.
{Begin page}IT'S FROM TIME IMMEMORIAL, {Begin deleted text}[HUH?]{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}"With one mere hour, one{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}more night, one more day{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}somehow to be killed."{End deleted text}
They act so very queer
When they are full of {Begin deleted text}RAT{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}ROT{End handwritten}{End inserted text} -GUT! SWINE! BOOZE AND BEER!
Right here on Union Square.....
BAH!
In contempt -
While the drunken nuts
Talk away
I-I-I-I just walk away.
(DON'T WALK SO FAST. WE'LL GET BLISTERS ON OUR FEET....HERE, CHICK,
CHICK, CHICK, CHICK, CHICK.....)
Cowards. Cowards....Sneak! Freak!...Go back to the coffin, all
of you.
{Begin deleted text}(This adolescent is like Walt{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}Whitmen's child who "went forth{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}and whatever object he looked{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}upon, he became." He is still{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}searching for his identity. The{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}girl face, the goat mouth, the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}shipping clerk hands with the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}scarred knuckles don't piece together{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}into the lank hundred{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}pounds of elbows and knees. Loose{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}impulses flash in and out of the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}tired grey eyes squinting against{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the sun. His words come out now{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}vague, now blunt, but always puzzled.){End deleted text}
I could turn out to be the biggest success if it {Begin deleted text}wuzn't{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}wasn't{End handwritten}{End inserted text} for one thing - I can't play dirty tricks on people.
I {Begin deleted text}dunno{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}don't know{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, I like to be with the guys that are {Begin deleted text}buckin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}bucking{End handwritten}{End inserted text} it, not {Begin deleted text}duckin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}ducking{End handwritten}{End inserted text} it, {Begin deleted text}ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}[you?]{End handwritten}{End inserted text} know what I mean? I despise the suckers. I'm {Begin deleted text}this{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}the{End handwritten}{End inserted text} depression generation - I can't wait. I {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} go off and do {Begin deleted text}sumthin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}something{End handwritten}{End inserted text} big right away. Get {Begin deleted text}sumthin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}something{End handwritten}{End inserted text} virgin and play it. Play it big. But {Begin deleted text}nuthin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}nothing{End handwritten}{End inserted text} happens around here. Why is that? Some man I {Begin deleted text}wuz talkin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}was talking{End handwritten}{End inserted text} to in the park here once told me about Moses, how he used to go around like this too until he got disgusted. After a while, he said, the older guys they died off, then Moses {Begin deleted text}wuz{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}was{End handwritten}{End inserted text} boss. Is that a fact? I {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} wait the same as Moses? It's from time immemorial, like the man said? My personal idea {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}[,?]{End handwritten}{End inserted text} if things {Begin deleted text}wuz{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}was{End handwritten}{End inserted text} different I could {Begin page no. 2}amount to {Begin deleted text}sumthin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}something{End handwritten}{End inserted text}. I could be a leader maybe. A Capone, a Schultz, one {Begin deleted text}a{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} them, not one a {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} the mob. Like Moses - way on top. Why not? I come from smart people, I got what it takes, I catch on quick to anything....Hey lookit. Them two girls {Begin deleted text}holdin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}holding{End handwritten}{End inserted text} each other around. Is it true about them? Jeez, {Begin deleted text}[?]{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}what a{End handwritten}{End inserted text} shame. {Begin deleted text}They'ra{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}They're{End handwritten}{End inserted text} pretty.... {Begin deleted text}Didja{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}Did you{End handwritten}{End inserted text} ever read the Well of Loneliness? I did. I get the best books {Begin deleted text}outa{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}out of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} the library, it don't help. I {Begin deleted text}dunno{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}don't{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, books don't do me no good. Why is that?
What's wrong with me anyhow? I {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} snap out of it...One time last spring I hitch-hiked to Philly for three days. It's a funny thing, hitch-hiking, maybe you got a million worries on your head but you hit the road and everything disappears like magic, you forget everything. When I got back to New York it {Begin deleted text}wuz{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}was{End handwritten}{End inserted text} one in the morning. I didn't feel like {Begin deleted text}goin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}going{End handwritten}{End inserted text} home so I come over to the park here and I laid down right on this bench and stood there all night. There {Begin deleted text}wuz{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}was{End handwritten}{End inserted text} other guys on the other benches and I laid there with my eyes open and looked up at the stars and before I knew it the sparrows {Begin deleted text}wuz{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}was{End handwritten}{End inserted text} {Begin deleted text}singin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}singing{End handwritten}{End inserted text} in the trees. I dunno {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}don't{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, I don't never feel lonely in this park, I like it here. I {Begin deleted text}sorta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}sort of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} find friendship, I guess. That's important, ain't it? That's the dreamy side of me, I suppose.
I like it that way....Sumtimes {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}[Sometimes?]{End handwritten}{End inserted text} I go to a movie, then I walk around {Begin deleted text}thinkin. [Lotsa?]{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}thinking. Lots of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} things. The whole world. Money, for instance. {Begin deleted text}Supposin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}Supposing{End handwritten}{End inserted text} I won a big prize. What would I do {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}?{End handwritten}{End inserted text} Would I spend it or put it away in the bank or would I go nuts?
{Begin page no. 3}Sometimes I go to the movies twice a week and I play this game Screeno. Every day somebody in {Begin deleted text}winnin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}winning,{End handwritten}{End inserted text} I never won once.
That way I'm different from other people. No luck. {Begin deleted text}Ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}You{End handwritten}{End inserted text} know if I won? I'd go ahead and buy a whole outfit and sail off to some island. Some place nobody ever gone before. In Africa or Australia or South America. One of them places. I'd buy a gun and a knapsack and breeches and boots and a knife and a [mackinaw?] and I {Begin deleted text}dunno{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}don't{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, I guess I'd travel. Nowhere in particular.
Just travel around....And then again, maybe I wouldn't.
Maybe I'd spend the whole money on my old lady. Send her out to Lakewood for the winter. {Begin deleted text}Ya{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}You{End handwritten}{End inserted text} see what I mean? There's two sides to my nature. What's the difference? I don't win anyhow.
Maybe I don't deserve it. I {Begin deleted text}wuz{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}was{End handwritten}{End inserted text} always the flower of the class - the {Begin deleted text}bloomin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}blooming{End handwritten}{End inserted text} idiot. How hard I try I can't control myself from {Begin deleted text}bein{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}being{End handwritten}{End inserted text} bad. I'm always {Begin deleted text}thinkin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}thinking{End handwritten}{End inserted text} of things that don't do me no good. Riddles and things - what's got no legs and walks, or what's got eyes and can't see, or what turns without {Begin deleted text}movin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}moving{End handwritten}{End inserted text}.
The trouble is I got things on my mind. Jeez! When the stork brought me to my old lady he {Begin deleted text}musta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}must have{End handwritten}{End inserted text} said to her: "Nuts to you, Madam {Begin deleted text}."....{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}"....{End inserted text} I {Begin deleted text}dunno{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}don't{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, it's too much for me, I can't make it out.
Maybe it's like that man said to me once; "It's from time immemorial, son." All I know this {Begin deleted text}kinda{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}kind of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} life in {Begin deleted text}givin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}giving{End handwritten}{End inserted text} me pimples. I got no more moral standards. What do you think, that yeast stuff they talk about on the radio - is that good for pimples?
********* {Begin page}YOU CAN'T FIGURE ON A LIFETIME NO MORE {Begin deleted text}"Tell how it was in some{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}gayer city or brighter place,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}speak of some bloodier,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}hungrier, more treacherous{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}time any other age, any far land." {End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}(She is a thin, timid gum-chewing{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}typist. The bones of her hips show{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}beneath the gay dress for Klein's,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the wrist under the novelty trinket{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}from Hearn's is too sharp, the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}calves of her legs are too skinny{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}under her sheer hose, 69¢ special,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the pale chestnut hair too Garbo-like{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}against the anxious eyes. If{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}you took the bravery out of the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}smile and the baby trust out of the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}eyes you'd have a skeleton wage{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}slave with dreams of an island and{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}Brain Aherne. In fact, if you struck{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}her too deep, the eyes would fill with{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}helpless, angry tears.){End deleted text}
My boss, that nosey thing, he was always {Begin deleted text}sittin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}sitting{End handwritten}{End inserted text} on me with them over-developed muscles until I got sick and tired.
Where I got the incentitive that day I don't know.
Maybe it was because I was wearing white, I like white, I wear everything with a white collar, it makes me feel good.
The boss was in the front with a big customer, I was sitting there and typing like my heart would break, I was hankering for life. Rose, I said to myself, in this day and age you can't figure on a lifetime. Marriage is getting pushed further and further in the background, if you're single it's no {Begin page no. 2}stigma. I got up from my desk, I opened the boss's door and I yelled: Look, Mr. Sternberg, you can wait a hundred years and you'll never got a typist like me. Look at my hair, my white blouse, my nails. I never look unruly, I'm never idle a minute, and I got artistic ability besides. Next payday I want twelve dollars. {Begin deleted text}{Begin handwritten}[{End handwritten} It's a Jewish trait. In front of a customer a goy{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}would think {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten},{End handwritten}{End inserted text} but say something? Never. {Begin handwritten}]{End handwritten}{End deleted text} He opened up his big mouth right away and pushed out his muscles and he yelled: Miss Rosenthal, see me in the back. The most terrible thing, you understand, see me in the back. I don't know, I wasn't even scared. I was in the mood of {Begin deleted text}makin{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}making{End handwritten}{End inserted text} money, nothing bothered me.
Listen, don't you think they know if you're worth it to them?
They got big mouths but they know if you're worth it, don't worry. You think he fired me?
I'm telling you from that day until he lost his business he was so nice to me - like my office boy, he used to bring me up milk shakes. He was at my beck and call.
Before he was sitting on me, in the future everything was in reverse, I was sitting on him. {Begin page}I'M A MIGHT-HAVE-BEEN {Begin deleted text}"Are you, in fact, a privileged{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}ghost returned, as usual, to{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}haunt yourself?" {End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}(This stooped over park-bench-philosopher{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}with his hands in{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}his pockets started talking when{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}they put him on relief and he{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}won't stop until they put him{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}back to work. Worry has made{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}his face pasty and he makes sure{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}to sleep as little as possible{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}so he can exhaust himself into{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}tolerating his world. He is in{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}his late thirties, of average{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}height and his solid body has{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}grown fat through disuse.){End deleted text}
I admit it, I'm a hog. In other words human. I enjoy women and a pair of doughnuts like anybody else. Say {Begin deleted text}tomorrer{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}tomorrow{End handwritten}{End inserted text} I wake up I'm covered in communism, say I can go and get what I want by asking--I want six wives. You maybe want 24 suits and him, they {Begin deleted text}gotta [?]{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to give{End handwritten}{End inserted text} him twelve yachts -- otherwise he's miserable.
We're nuts, we're all deprived so long we went nuts. Plain hogs.
It's chemical, you can't do nothing. We're 90% water, H2O, etc.
and 10% miscellaneous--sodium helium oxygen hydrogen potassium phosphorus calcium and so forth. In this {Begin deleted text}kinda{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}kind of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} world 2 plus 2 makes 5. Look at me. {Begin deleted text}[True??]{End deleted text} I'm among the world of missing men.
I'm so insignificant if they sent out a radio call for me a {Begin page no. 2}hundred years nobody would find me. I am a dirt monkey. I could write my whole will on a postage stamp, not a single coin of the realm you'll find in my pocket, I ain't got enough real estate to put in a flower pot. Then why should I sing my country 'tis of thee or welcome sweet springtime I greet you in song? And yet, my friend, you can never tell the way you stand by the way you're sitting down. Listen to what I'm {Begin deleted text}gonna{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}going to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} say to you now,--the bacteriologist of today was himself a bacteria in primeval times. Sh! Think that over....
Myself, I'm a might-have-been. I could tell you something else--I'm a genius and so forth, after all, you're a stranger to me. But it ain't what you call yourself, you can say you're Jesus and you ain't even St. Patrick. True? Most of my life I was lost inside a sweat shop like a fly in winter time.
You go into it a man and you come out {Begin deleted text}[cock-eyed?]{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}[cockeyed?]{End inserted text} hunchbacked knockkneed {Begin deleted text}[pigeon-toed?]{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}[pigeontoed?]{End inserted text} flatchested--you're a wash rag and a walking prospect for the undertaker. You {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} put a mark on your feet to know right from left. The gray matter and the different parts of the cerebellum are deflated.
So I was fired. The boss said he {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} make sacrifices he started with me. Before, I was lost, after I was still worse. I had bicycles in my brain. I was {Begin deleted text}[?]{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}always asking{End handwritten}{End inserted text} myself: {Begin deleted text}[always?]{End deleted text}
Am I coming from or going to? Here I was free, the whole day in the air, in the sun, but still I was groping, the park and the shop was the same.
{Begin page no. 3}One swallow don't make a summer. When you're alone you can bark at the moon like a boogie dog, you can go sit down on the ground and open up your mouth you'll catch mosquitoes, that's all. A chain is strong like its weakest link and that was me. I don't say I didn't let off a {Begin deleted text}lotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}lot of{End handwritten}{End inserted text} hot air in them trying times, it's a free country. I lived by my own oxygen.
But also -- we got a check and balance system here, there ain't no dictatorship, nobody gets away with murder, you can manifest yourself, true, you can express yourself, but the other guy can check up on you if he wants to.
Well, I got plenty checking up but in the end {Begin deleted text}[?]{End deleted text} I was a citizen of the world. I didn't bow down to the dollar, I was international, a progressive. I followed the head, you understand, the others followed the rear end, they were retro-gressive.
You find some people in this day and age they like to be both.
If they're down in the Battery they're up in the Bronx too, these budweisers, these political fakers. They claim if you're in a steam room at the highest temperature you're freezing and if you go into a frigidaire you're hot. Why does ice smoke?
They tell you: because it went crazy with the frost. They're always arguing: if it's hot as it's warm while it's freezing it should be cold you think it's {Begin deleted text}gonna{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}going to{End handwritten}{End inserted text} be hot? Bah! I wouldn't stoop myself so low. The average man should think twice before he speaks and then -- shut up.
{Begin page no. 4}Which reminds me -- ain't it time for me too? Here I'm riding a whole cavalry of ideas and I ain't got enough to buy doughnuts. If I had my life to live over again I'd choose an existence of plenty. Otherwise it's better for us to shut our eyes, the undertaker downtown got a special this week.
Which means this, this whole spiel. It's an explosion, I mean an explanation, of one thing -- I got cursed with a social consciousness and how much I would like to do something about it I can't. Brain I got plenty, but the will power of a Chinese Eskimo. {Begin page}THANK GOD FOR COLUMBUS {Begin deleted text}"...restores faith to the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}flophouse, workhouse, warehouse,{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}whorehouse, bughouse life of man...{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}(A shy little man wearing a droopy{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}black suit, the sleeves and trouser{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}legs of which are too long for the{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}little arms and legs. The black{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}eyes are round and clear, although{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the faintest reflection of pain{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}brings out the veins, and he shudders{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}at even the suggestion of cruelty and{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}violence, yet he radiates a quiet{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}faith in himself and [unnatured?] pride{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}and courtesy. He was caught serenading{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}the cashier behind the cafeteria{End deleted text} {Begin deleted text}counter with rendition of the song:{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}My Love Is Like an Evening Prayer.{End deleted text}
{Begin deleted text}His voice is big and resonant.){End deleted text}
Yes, it's a wonderful voice. And it ain't no expense neither. A little eggnogg, some Heide's pastilles and it comes out clear like a canary. That's my nickname in the sewer - Sam, the Canary. Rough laborers, they ain't artistic and sensitive like girls, but they call me the canary, they {Begin deleted text}gotta{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}got to{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, on account of my voice. I don't mean my voice. I hate to say I, my. It's a born voice, that's all. It happens by accident it's mine. It's a pleasure. It's an inspiration, it given me a good appetite, it makes me happy. Except at night -- I eat two cups of coffee and supper, I feel so heavy it gets screechy. I'm too tired, it {Begin deleted text}effects{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}affects{End handwritten}{End inserted text} the voice, you {Begin page no. 2}understand. The slightest thing makes it screechy. I didn't know till three, four years ago I even had it. Nobody told me.
My wife never told me. She tried to kill it, even. She was a nervous woman, irritable - a born naggard. She put me on a pedestal and made an idol out of me, then she knocked me off.
I got annulled.
I went to work in the sewers for WPA. It was an accident - one day I was shovelling and I began to sing. The boys hollered for an encore. I was surprised. It was an inspiration, it put life into them. Since that time everybody calls me Bing Crosby, Junior, because I'm an amature. Your whole life you go around, nobody tells you, nobody is decent enough, now I'm Bing Junior.
My uncle had a baby he named him Dennis. So what?
The kids on the block call him Ziggy. Foolishness. My name is Sam Rosen, plain, I don't care who asks. June 6th I'm singing in A Low's Theater Amature Hour, shall I go and change my name? I'm a city-wide amature. 501 Madison Avenue, that's WNEW there, downstairs is a confectionery, they gave me an audition, they give me auditions all over. I sing in one room they listen in another room over the microphone, the receiver, the amplifier, whatever you call it. Then when I'm through, I hear them say: "Thank you." It's an inspiration, the way they say it. "Thank you." Most of the time they ask for an encore, too. It's an {Begin deleted text}exhiliration{End deleted text} {Begin inserted text}{Begin handwritten}exhilaration{End handwritten}{End inserted text}, you get a better appetite, you don't feel like an appendage. Today it's so busy by slack everybody is demoralized. They don' know where to look. If a person looks up at the sky and somebody whispers he's a Messiah, they {Begin page no. 3}follow him. They don't know no better, they're looking for an inspiration. Like on Forty Second Street, let one person only look up, everybody is looking.
My inspiration, I need to serenade a girl. When I hear the call of nature, to satisfy my cravings, follow my sex nature, I need a mate. But I can't locate her. I got a good nature, I'm quiet, not like other laborers, but since I'm annulled I can't locate my ideal. I'm going to a matrimonial bureau. A friend of mine, I know him a long time. He's opening a new office now on 42nd Street, he's sending me a post card, he expects to get the American type, educated. I'm looking for a lady with a brother or a father they're in business and they'll allow me to work for them.
I'm not satisfied with the girls he got now. They're fat or they're widows or they got children. Only one girl, she was slim, with [a?] good skin, three inches taller than me, we clicked right away. But when we got through talking in the office there, I asked her telephone number, she said: "Get a steady job, I'll keep company." That ain't my ideal. Go get a steady job.
At what? Fixing fountain pens?
The only thing I got to depend on is the voice. The sewer work in only ten eleven days a month so the rest of the time I go to school. I take up French, acting, I learn dancing, classical dancing, even fencing. For poise, you understand.
Like a real opera singer, only it don't cost we a penny. It's WPA culture courses. It's a pleasure, an inspiration. Thank God for Columbus.