74                             SASSEBO                       [oh. 7
outwards . . . (the ischial nerve had been affected after all).
Towards the end there were but three of us, out of the whole population of the ward, with wounds as yet uncicatrized; and now but two remained. ... I confess frankly that when these two used to be carried off to the operating ward, I could not refrain from relishing the pleasant thought: " And I don't have to go any more!" and this thought made me happy. It may have been unworthy, unholy glee: but I could not help it.
And simultaneously with this, my intellectual activity, hitherto concentrated entirely upon the progress of the wounds, seemed to break loose from these narrow bonds, and burst out with unprecedented vigour and brightness. In the course of a few days I had compiled, in extenso, all the brief notes I had been jotting down since being bedridden in this ward, and already, on August 9,1 laid before the Admiral a circumstantial report wherein I exposed to a searching and thorough investigation all those conditions which had been slowly, in the course of many years, preparing for this inevitable annihilation. In this report I did away with asterisks for real things, and used proper names in their definitions. After all I had suffered personally, I deemed myself