SILENT HURTS
ALCOHOL ABUSE AND VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

Video:
Addressing Alcohol-Related Domestic Violence

[TRANSCRIPT PREPARED FROM A TAPE RECORDING.]

IDENTIFYING LEVELS OF ALCOHOL ABUSE AND VIOLENCE

THERAPIST:  Would you say that the stress in the house has gotten more since
            you started back to work?

SHEILA:     Oh, definitely.  And that's normal.  I mean, I--it's a change.  I mean, 
            this is, this is what people go through.  I mean, everything--this is 
            what people go through. I just need to figure out how I can fix it and
            make it better and do what I have to do to do my job and keep everybody
            together and keep my husband's temper down and do my job.  I mean, 
            I just have to figure out how I can handle this.

THERAPIST:  Tell me a little more about his temper.

SHEILA:     He's got a short fuse.  I mean, he works hard.  He gets tired at work.
            He gets short tempered with me.  I sometimes am not good enough for him.
            I never can get everything perfect the way he wants.  I mean, he was 
            brought up that way.  His father was kind of a tough guy, kind of a 
            bully almost, and his mother had a perfect house.  I mean, his mother
            just knew exactly what to do, when to do it, how to keep everything 
            going smoothly, everything right there.

THERAPIST:  So he has these same expectations of how you should be.

SHEILA:     Oh, he lets me know that, definitely.  I'm never, I'm never as good 
            as his mother in that way, yes.

THERAPIST:  Sheila, has his temper spilled over into violence with you--physical
            violence?

SHEILA:     He sometimes gets into sort of a name-calling thing, and occasionally,
            when he's drinking, I mean, it's really only when he's drinking that 
            this can really, really,he can really lay it on.

THERAPIST:  Has he ever hit you?

SHEILA:     Just when it's really reached the point where he's had too much to drink.
            I mean,and sometimes it's happened because I had too much to drink.  I 
            mean, I didn't even know what was going on.  I didn't even know he hit 
            me. I just--but that's not him. That's not the guy that I know.  That's
            not the person that I married.  I know that.

THERAPIST:  So it sounds like the alcohol makes things worse between the two of you.

SHEILA:     In some ways, it makes it better because you can kind of, at least for 
            me, I mean,it helps me kind of go somewhere different.

THERAPIST:  Escape---

SHEILA:     Yes.

THERAPIST:   --from the stress you're under.

SHEILA:     Yeah, and I think what has only happened a couple of times is one time 
            I sort of talked back to him.  I mean, I just, I think that's what he
            hates. If I start to drink, and he's drinking, and he starts name-
            calling, and I start to react, and then I say, "I'm not, you know," 
            I can respond in a way that he is totally flipped out over.

THERAPIST:  So would you say that the behavior for you and your husband changes 
            with the drinking, if you've been drinking together?

SHEILA:     Yeah.  I mean, it can get really, really bad.  It can get scary bad
            I think.

THERAPIST:  Do you think you're at more risk for being hurt when that happens,
            when you've had too much to drink?

SHEILA:     I think I lose my way of handling things.  Instead of just keeping a 
            lid on it, I mean, I think what happens is that I, I don't do that 
            any more. Then, it sort of like gets all, that whole way of doing 
            things is out the window, and so who knows what can happen then.

THERAPIST:  It's pretty unpredictable.

SHEILA:     I mean, there have been broken dishes.  I mean, this is not--this 
            isn't us.  I mean, we don't, we're a normal family.  I mean, we--we
            don't go around breaking dishes or throwing pots and pans.  That's
            like the movies. But it's happened that way sometimes. [Pause.]